Accepting God’s Call

By Silje da Silva, Oslo, Norway

Scripture Reading

• 1 Corinthians 10:13 (AMP)
• John 16:33

Spiritual rest comes when we stop fighting and opposing God and surrender to his love and direction.

Growing up I remember feeling different and being told I was different by my peers at school. I have fond memories of my family and my childhood home, but I struggled to have friends outside my family. I got my first real friend at the age of 13.

Looking back, I see how God worked in my life. My mom told me that when I was about 2- or 3-years-old, she took me to the doctors and asked about ADHD (attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder). They just told her that I was not a boy and that I would outgrow my hyperactivity.

I got baptised in the spring of 2009. However, I still struggled with things and school was not easy. Neither was time with the sisters, as I struggled a lot emotionally with getting feedback.

From tears to relief

In the summer of 2010, after a women’s class, I had an emotional breakdown. I didn't know why I was crying. The sister beside me had just asked how I was doing, and just as I was about to say, “I am doing good,” I started weeping. Not just crying. Weeping. She asked what was wrong and I managed to get out between the tears, “I don’t know!” In that same second, my aunt hugged me from behind and said, “I know.” I was just glad someone knew.

We found a quiet place to talk, and she shared with me what she had observed throughout my childhood, both at home and at school. (Get this; she is a teacher and had her practical training with my first grade!) She suggested that I contact my doctor when I got home and ask about ADHD. At the moment she mentioned ADHD, it felt like everything in my head and life fell into place. I felt relieved. It explained why I struggled so much. I had found the key to being normal!

There was this duality to how I acted toward my ADHD. I knew I would struggle with this my whole life, but I was praying and acting like I could make it go away. That I could lock it up and put it somewhere inside where it would not bother me.

Knowledge and medication would help. Over time things went well. My grades got really good, and I could work through some past traumas. I was accepted and I was not broken. I just had ADHD. Then I got married.

Marriage and ADHD

God really challenged and exposed me throughout my marriage. I felt hated, a failure, heartbroken, sad, horrified, shamed, ridiculed. And my poor husband had to deal with all these emotions coming from my lips. Again, I struggled with feedback. I took it very personally. I would fight, cry, and feel down on myself.

Luckily God knew exactly what I needed in a husband and no matter what emotional stuff I would come up with, he just said, “No, I believe in you, and we will go through this together.” God was trying to tell me to trust Him, but I kept fighting Him by fighting my ADHD, my traumas, and my husband. Then God went a step further at the International Youth and Family Conference in Denver in 2017, to get through to my stubborn heart. A mom and her autistic son held a class together and to this day I can remember him explaining how he did not understand social rules and asking God why him? Then he read 1 Corinthians 10:13:

 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

He looked around at other people and realised that God had allowed him to have autism because He trusted him with it. God knew he could handle it. I sat there with tears running down my cheeks listening to this young man share. God had allowed me to have ADHD because He knew I could handle it, and He would provide ways out of temptation, so I could endure and live life to the full! I felt relieved. I did not need to fight it anymore. Maybe this was the solution to all my problems?

We had our first child, and our fights became worse than before. More heated, filled with emotions and hormones. All my childhood traumas were blown out of proportion in my hormone-filled mind. Eventually I would calm down and we could speak rationally about it, sort things out, and again work through some traumas. But the patterns were still there; the same reactions, just different situations.

With our second child, it went better. I knew the signs and did not overreact every time my husband brought something to my attention. However, I still overreacted when something went wrong, and I felt unworthy and ashamed. I did not have rest and joy. Not true rest and joy.

The pressure is off

Never once did it cross my mind that God was the true answer to everything. Of course, I would say it and think it, but I would act as if He were only to provide me with the solution to my problems, not be the solution. Then I happened upon an interesting book: The Pressure is Off by Larry Crabb. It changed me forever. After some chapters in, I wanted to throw the book out the window and scream at God. It felt like the author was telling me I could not trust any of God’s promises because none of them were true. I was clearly missing the point. I fought with God for real that day. I did not run away or just ignore it anymore. I really needed God to show me the way. I was troubled and had gotten to a point where I was at a loss as to what to do. Nothing I did worked. My husband did not change, my ADHD symptoms were still present and causing problems, and my traumas were affecting my parenting. What was I doing wrong?

I prayed with anger, disappointment, hurt, and hope. I will happily admit I raged at God. I cried my eyes out and told Him how I truly felt, what was really bothering me on the inside. I laid down everything and decided I could not do this anymore. I was tired and beaten. Over the next weeks I studied and prayed. I slowly started to see the point: I had been walking in the Old Way. I had been treating God, His Word, life, and being a disciple as a way to blessings, not as blessings in themselves. To treat away my ADHD, have a good life, good friends, and a husband that would grow and change the way I wanted.

God was, and still is, patient, gracious and loving with me. He gently pushes me toward Him, showing me it is all about Him and our relationship. I still fight and oppose Him. However, I am also slowly learning how not to give up, but surrender myself, my ADHD, my marriage, my kids to Him. This is the New Way, where nothing is promised but a relationship with the Creator of the universe! Remember, God has never promised to take away any of our problems:

“In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, for I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Spiritual rest and joy are available when we start accepting His calling for our lives and trust that He wants the best for us. The pressure is off.

Questions for Reflection

1. Take a look at your own life story; where can you see God working in your life? What life situations opened your mind and heart to see what was in the depths of your soul?
2. How do you fight and oppose God?
3. Take a moment to read through 1 Corinthians 10:13. What has God given you because He trusts you with it? And when you are tempted, how does He provide a way out?

Today I will

Reflect on scriptures that have a special place in your heart, helping you through difficulties and always bringing you back to God. List them in a place where you can refer to them when needed. If no scriptures come to mind, ask God over the holidays to show you which scriptures would help you.

About the Author

Silje Domben da Silva was baptised in Bergen, Norway, in 2009. She has been volunteering in the family and youth ministry in Bergen and later in Oslo, where she met her husband, Sandro da Silva. Together they have served the family and youth since 2014. They have two kids, a boy and a girl.