The Gift of Friendship

By Monica Q. Estioco

Baguio City, Philippines

Scripture Reading:

• John 15:12-15
• Romans 12:10

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

John 15:12-15

 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Romans 12:10

From the time I became a disciple 24 years ago until today, one of my most cherished treasures are the numerous friendships in the church that God has given me. These precious people – men and women whom I have known from my campus ministry days or have only recently met, who are from different age groups, with diverse backgrounds and personalities, and located in various places – have been my sources of joy, encouragement, love, wisdom and strength all throughout my Christian journey. I am privileged to dedicate this lesson as a grateful tribute to all of them.

John 15 and Romans 12 are two of my favorite chapters in the Bible, and both describe in detail how true Biblical love can be expressed in action. In verse 13 of John 15, Jesus said that the ultimate expression of love for others (especially for other disciples) is selflessness and sacrifice even to the point of death. But this can only be possible for one who has truly understood and experienced Jesus’ love for her to the point that she has decided to show the same sacrificial love to others (v. 12).

Experiencing Jesus’ love and friendship can be achieved by closely walking with Him, learning God’s will in relationships, and planting God’s words in our lives and obeying them (vs. 14-15). Jesus is the ultimate example of selfless, sacrificial love not only by dying on the cross to save mankind from sin, but in his daily life on earth as well. Only his true follower and friend who has captured his heart will be able to practice the same kind of love towards others.    

In Romans 12:12, Paul’s command to be devoted in love conveys the same sense of intentional selflessness. Much can be unpacked from these two sentences. In commentaries, to be devoted to one another in love is to be “kindly or tenderly affectioned” or fondly affectionate towards other Christians as brothers and sisters. This is a special phrase not found anywhere else in the New Testament, and it is specially used to refer to tender affection between family members, which is strong and natural, warm and spontaneous, constant and pure.

Christian affection is permanent and deep due to the unbreakable bond based on our being born of God, our participation in each other’s victories and sufferings, and walking towards our eternal salvation in Christ together. This brotherly love is what compels Jesus’ disciples to lead the way in giving honor to one another without seeking it or waiting for others to show them honor first. They give proper recognition to each other’s strengths, gifts, and abilities. They show due respect to their brothers and sisters through their actions, their words, and even in their thoughts.

I can write a book on the many things I appreciate in my friendships with Christians, but there are some specific things in these relationships that I will forever be grateful for. First, I will always remember the hundreds of hours these brothers and sisters spent to sit with me in life-changing conversations where they listened, mentored, discipled, rebuked (when necessary), taught, comforted, and encouraged me. They gave their ears, opened their hearts and lives, and poured out their wisdom generously to me. Many of them were busy, but none turned me away and always made time for me when I reached out to them. Whether I’ve been the one on the receiving side or the one doing the mentoring, those countless spiritual, God-centered talks helped me stay faithful to God and build my own convictions. All that I am and all that I know today, I owe to the people who gave their time unsparingly and sacrificially.

Second, I am extremely grateful that these friends have become my lifelines and prayer warriors especially in difficult times. I have felt so secure and safe with them that I was not afraid to bring my prayer requests to them. One recent incident comes to mind. By the grace of God, all of my family members are disciples, but we experienced one of our biggest and most painful challenges when my beloved mother was diagnosed with a rare form of gastrointestinal cancer in January of 2023. The past two years have been filled with so much fear, uncertainty, exhaustion, sorrow, and distress since the cancer was very difficult to treat and my mother had to undergo several rounds of chemotherapy. We almost lost her earlier this year when she had an adverse reaction to her third chemo protocol. She stayed in the hospital for 17 days.

The emotional, mental, financial, and physical strain have been overwhelming, and doubt has been a constant challenge. But our wonderful friends and disciples who know our family have rallied in prayer and given all kinds of support throughout these months. They have become channels of God’s immense love and provision. Upon learning of the diagnosis and at every milestone of my mother’s treatment, we have shared the news with the disciples. And through their constant and fervent prayers, God moved miraculously by removing a significant portion of the cancer with the third treatment protocol.

As of this writing, my mother still needs to continue with her treatment, but we are immensely grateful for her health’s remarkable improvement, and are hopeful for her miraculous and complete healing and recovery with the disciples’ continuous prayers and support. I will always be grateful for those who have become our spiritual and even physical lifelines. I pray to become like them to others as well.

Questions for Reflection:

1. Think about your current friendships in the church. Do they reflect the kind of selfless and sacrificial love in the two theme scriptures above?
2. How is your personal friendship with Jesus? Is it close enough that you experience his love enough to show the same love to others?
3. How can you show more brotherly/sisterly affection and honor towards the disciples in your local church?

Today I Will:

1. List the names of disciples who made an impact in your life this year. Lift up a prayer of thanksgiving for them. Give each of them a thank-you card and a small gift to honor and appreciate them. 
2. List three names of disciples whom you would like to build deeper friendships with in 2025. Write down 2 to 3 things that you can do to show your sacrificial love to them. Then do it!   

About the Author:

Monica Estioco was born and raised in Baguio City, Philippines, as the eldest among three children. She holds a bachelor’s degree in political science from the University of the Philippines Diliman, where she became a disciple in the second semester of her freshman year. Upon graduation, she returned to her hometown of Baguio City, where she served in the local church in various capacities. In 2023, after working for 18 years outside the church, she resigned from her corporate job and began working full-time as the administrative officer of the ICOC Philippines Missionary Society. Monica is also a certified Strength in Weakness liaison partner and the coordinator of ICOC Embrace, a special ministry in the Philippines that supports disciples and friends with same-sex attraction. She says, “As a single woman whose passion is in ministry, teaching (and learning), planning, organizing, and getting involved with people, I (and my family) have enjoyed traveling to different churches and building relationships with disciples all over the Philippines.”