My name is Kazumi Yokoyama and I am part of the Singles Ministry in the Tokyo Church of Christ.
I was baptized in 1997 at the age of 25. Thank you for this opportunity to remember the grace of Jesus' cross together.
My wish for 2020
My personal theme for last year was to learn how to “belong” and connect and to “walk with my spiritual family.”
I'm an only child, and I grew up as a latchkey kid, which means that when I returned home from school, my parents were never home. So, I don't feel uncomfortable spending time alone. I am not good at expressing my own thoughts and understanding other people's thoughts. I am more comfortable being alone, living at my own pace. Connecting with others is not a strength of mine.
Asking for advice, acting together, and sharing feelings are often difficult for me unless I push myself.
The year started with the wish that I could learn the grace of being connected to the body of Christ. God has responded to that wish. Amidst the difficulty of fellowshipping due to COVID-19, we were able to connect online and encourage each other more than before. He also gave me a new role as a small group leader, which put me in situations where I needed to ask for advice and help. I feel that He has guided me so that I can connect with disciples and remember His grace.
My hidden weakness and the ugly side of my heart
One of the biggest events of 2020 was moving out from my room in August. The housing complex where I lived with a roommate went through a renovation, so it gave me an opportunity to live alone with the aim of growing spiritually.
I have moved many times until now, but recently I have for the most part lived and worked alone. I was not able to humbly ask for help because of my arrogance and self-sufficiency. I also didn't want to show my weaknesses to others and expose the ugly side of my heart out of vanity.
I'm ashamed to say that I'm not good at organizing and tidying things up. As I pile up things that I can't organize, I can't locate what I need, and I get into a vicious cycle of constantly buying new things and increasing my possessions.
When I was growing up, my family was not very wealthy, so as an adult, I was happy to be able to buy things freely. I couldn't control myself and went shopping and bought more things.
There was no way that I could sort out my room. Instead of asking for help, I convinced myself that I would one day sort things out. My apartment was filled with unopened cardboard boxes.
As a result, the room that I used was filled with things, and it looked like an "Off-limits room". It was a symbol of my weakness and ugliness, and it always weighed heavily on my heart.
I was self-centered, trying to appear good on the outside, thinking only about falsely protecting myself, and I forgot that being able to buy things was a blessing. Instead of being grateful and cherishing the things God gave me, I continued to escape from the shameful situation of the ugliness I invited.
I hurt God and Jesus, who knew everything for a long time. I also stubbornly built a wall with my roommate concerning the situation of my room, and I hurt her for a long time.
I wanted to hide my ugliness and keep my secret from everyone even when it was time to move.
I didn't have the courage or humility to bring everything to light and ask for help.
My turning point
During my move, many sisters helped me pack up while enduring the heat of summer and taking preventative measures against the new coronavirus, and I was able to clean up a lot.
Though the door of the "Off-limits room” was tightly shut, as I tried to disguise it, the sisters took a step forward and entered the room and cleaned it up with me. I really appreciate their heart. Thanks to that, I was finally able to surrender before God.
After that, various sisters encouraged me to face the problem without running away. They helped me to open and sort all the boxes that I had piled up.
They showed the love of Jesus who humbled himself and washed the feet of his disciples before he was crucified.
They connected with me and came into my heart, even though I was feeling ugly and ashamed of myself.
God helped me to draw near to my personal goal of learning how to “belong” and connect and to “walk with my spiritual family.”
God’s abundant grace experienced through the sisters
Jesus loved me, the one who was selfish and arrogant, even though I couldn't humble myself. I was only thinking about protecting myself. He carried my sins to the cross.
And I thank God for giving me the hope for a resurrection.
I am also grateful for getting to know through my sisters’ hearts that God still accepts me despite my weaknesses.
It took courage for me to recognize myself as a sinner and humbly ask for help. As a result of doing this, I felt the grace of being freed from sin.
Ephesians 1:3,7-8a (NIV)
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.
…In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us.
Now, I have moved and am living alone.
Near the new apartment that God gave me, there are many disciples living within walking distance, and I feel that this was also God's plan.
2020 became a year that I deeply remember the grace of being connected and walking with the body of Christ, as I had hoped.
I look forward to learning what God will teach me this year.
About the author:
I'm Kazumi Yokoyama with Singles Ministry of Tokyo Church of Christ. I was born in Shizuoka, Japan, near Mt. Fuji, and now live in Tokyo. I was baptized in 1997 at the age of 25. Shortly after being baptized, I got a job at an affiliated company of a broadcasting station, and still work there after 23 years by God's grace. I like taking walks, watching arts and crafts, and listening to K-POP music.
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