Quiet Times for Moms of Littles 

Editor’s Note: 

“Love is not Rude” is the sixth in a collection of spiritual reflections especially for moms of small children, based on the famous love Scripture in 1 Corinthians 13 –- perhaps these are the most often quoted verses in the Bible.   This series was written and compiled at the end of 2019 by two of our sisters in Christ – Jan Mitchell of the Triangle Church of Christ and Mary Shapiro (see their bios at the end of this article), who lead a group of young mothers in church and wanted to create a quiet time series for them on the theme of Love. This series is the fruit of that effort.

Love is not Rude

By Jan Mitchell – North Carolina, USA

1 Corinthians 13:5 “Love is not rude….”

What does rudeness look like?

None of us like to be around people who are rude, who don’t acknowledge us, or who do not treat us well. So, I decided to look up some synonyms of the word “rude”. Wow! I was a bit surprised by some of these – and embarrassed when I realized that I am guilty of some of these at times. Here are some of them:

Ill-mannered, impolite, discourteous, impertinent, insolent, abrupt, unpleasant, nasty, cheeky, uncivil, curt, brusque, ungracious, brash, short, sharp, audacious, insulting, derogatory, abusive, tactless, undiplomatic, uncharitable, underbred, and harsh.

There are more, but I think this is enough to get the idea!

So, what do different versions say? Love … “is not injurious”; “does not behave unseemly”; “is not ill-mannered”; does not act improperly”; “love’s ways are ever fair”; “does not behave dishonorably”; “doesn’t force itself on others”; “does not dishonor others”; “does not behave itself inappropriately”; does not behave unbecomingly”.

When I think of the word “rude”, the little girl on Full House always comes to mind as she often said, “How rude!” I think of times when I have been rude, such as when I’ve been in a hurry and spoken to someone abruptly; or perhaps I answer sharply when I’m emotionally upset or hurt; or when I make a sarcastic remark. Our words and behavior hurt others.

What does rudeness feel like?

I’ve also been hurt by others' rudeness. I walked up to a group at a church function to say hello. We all conversed a bit, then one of the women brought up a situation that had happened to me that was embarrassing. I was hurt. She thought she was being funny.

It’s never okay to say mean, embarrassing things about others to get a laugh, or to try to make ourselves look better.

I Googled what people think are the rudest behaviors, and thought they might be worth a mention:

-Being noisy. I think this applies to public places when we are talking too loud or generally disrupting the peace and enjoyment of those around us. Most of us haven’t been to a movie or restaurant in a while, but those come to mind.

-Cutting in line.

-Interrupting.

-Not returning your shopping cart.

-Bad table manners.

-Ugh – driving examples: tailgating (not the football game type!), cutting in line, not allowing others to merge in, not using a turn signal, driving too slow in the passing lane, honking. I’m sure y’all can come up with more.

-Using the last of anything in the house and not replacing it – or putting it on the grocery list – toilet paper, for instance!

-Being late – I’d say “perpetually,” here.

-Cell phone use – talking on speakerphone in public, talking on phone in a restaurant or store (especially loudly), using it at the table or when you are with others (I’m talking about just checking Instagram, or other social media because you’ve become disinterested in the table conversation).

-Allowing your children to run around in stores or in someone’s home (a sister from church dropped in to visit us on a whim with her four children in tow, this was a few years ago. Her children ran all over my house – jumped on the beds, etc. – without one word of correction from her).

-Treating store clerks or wait-staff in a rude way (this includes not tipping, in countries where this is the custom).

-Offering an opinion or advice when it is not asked for.

-Making someone feel bad for not knowing something.

I went on to find an article on the “Seven Bad Behaviors Parents Should Correct ASAP” by Katherine Lee. (https://www.verywellfamily.com/bad-behaviors-parents-should-correct-asap-620119)  I will list them, but you may want to look this up and read it if you are having any of these issues with your children.:

-Being disrespectful

-Defiance, not listening

-Being ungrateful and greedy

-Tantruming and pouting

-Bullying

-Lying

-Cheating

This is probably not exhaustive. I’m sure you can come up with more, which I invite you to share. 1 Peter 3:1-6 mentions that we are to win “unbelieving husbands” over by our behavior, but I definitely believe this applies to everyone who is around us.

Colossians 3:1-17 talks about how we are to behave and act, with gentleness, compassion, humility, etc.

I hope this helps us as we train ourselves and our children in Godliness.

Jan Mitchell : Jan has been a disciple for over 40 years. She and her husband, Mitch, have been married for 43 years, been on staff at 6 different churches, have 2 children and 3 grandchildren. She is a die-hard Wolfpack fan, and enjoys spending time teaching and training, traveling and playing outside with their grandchildren. She currently lives in the greater Raleigh, NC area.

Dr. Mary Shapiro is currently the Director of the ADHD Clinic at Duke Medical School's Southern Regional Area Health Education Center in Fayetteville, North Carolina, where she specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of ADHD, behavior disorders, and other childhood conditions. For the 30 years prior to moving to North Carolina, she and her husband, Dr. Michael Shapiro, were in private practice in Athens, Georgia, where they served children and adults in predominately rural and underserved areas. She completed her PhD in Educational Psychology at the University of Georgia in 1984 and interned in the Department of Neurology at the Medical College of Georgia. She and her husband have lectured extensively (both domestically and abroad) on topics related to child psychology, parenting, marriage, adoption, and mental health issues in a Christian context. They have authored two publications for Discipleship Press International; “Rejoice Always: A Manual for Christians Facing Emotional Challenges” and “Understanding Sexual Behavior in Children: How to be Proactive in Educating and Protecting your Children.