My Journey to Motherhood
By Perita Kimeng
Lagos, Nigeria
Life, they say, happens.
My physical and spiritual family knew my love for children. I was the one who would be willing to stay back and watch over the younger ones or be willing to, at short or no notice, serve in the kids’ department in church. The one everyone thought will probably start a family in her twenties.
Moving from Port Harcourt in the eastern part of Nigeria to Lagos in the west was God’s providence. An invitation to attend church service by my older sister and her husband led to my being baptised into Christ as a teen on May 28, 1989. Now, 31 years after, I am still hooked on Jesus!
As I moved into singlehood and the years rolled by, marriage seemed so far-fetched. I struggled through so many nights, weeping in prayer and fasting on my own and sometimes with other sisters in the church. God caused my path to cross with the love of my life, Gilbert. A little over a year into our dating I had to undergo a surgery to remove fibroids which caused excessive bleeding during my periods and literally grounded my life for about a week every month for years.
At 37, I decided to get the fibroids out and the doctor advised that I quickly plan to have a child, otherwise the fibroids would reoccur. I smiled and said God will make it happen after I get married. He insisted I may not have much time for that. I affirmed, though with pain and uncertainty in my heart, that if it was God’s will, He’ll make it happen. My conviction has always been to raise children within the family unit; I am a disciple of Christ! I know no other way. I carried on with life, asking God while in the waiting to grant me peace with where I was, even if it was sometimes beyond my understanding.
On April 13, 2012, Gilbert and I got married. Our journey as a couple and potential parents began. After a year the pressure started coming from within and outside the church. He was 40 and I was 39-years-old. God bless the hearts of those who asked for the most part with good intentions even when occasionally not properly communicated. As much as I tried to smile through the situation to keep a positive mindset, it got to me sometimes. Philippians 4:4-9 was my go-to scripture in those moments.
We tried to have a child in the first two years, while visiting fertility specialists, taking tests on end, and some were very invasive. Results showed that my husband had a very low sperm count, almost nil, owing to the chemotherapy administered during his treatment for cancer 23 years before. We both prayed and were moved in our hearts to commence an adoption process while still seeking ways to conceive.
The frequent visits to the hospital and specialists took a toll on us, coupled with increasing responsibilities at work, lots of funds spent and life in busy and stressful Lagos. During the period of our engagement, we had discussed the desire to adopt even if God blessed us with children and so decided to continue to pursue the adoption process. We sent in an application and after three years of following up, we were told our file could not be found. The welfare officer we met asked that we put in another application which we did immediately. With much prayer and fasting, weeping and begging for a period of four additional years, God used a change in the Lagos State Government policy to accelerate the adoption process thereby reducing most of the protocols. We finally got a provisional approval and were given 18 months to search for a baby of our choice from a list of approved orphanages.
After what became another heart-wrenching search, God brought Josef into our lives. The 18 months’ wait felt like being pregnant in my heart with Josef. He was about 2-weeks-old when I first saw him. It was love at first sight! I knew in my heart he was the one. It took another six weeks before he finally came home. Again, God used a judge at the court to order his release to us from the orphanage and for his final adoption process after an extensive medical test carried out on all three of us.
Josef has turned my life upside down; a welcome disruption. God has brought laughter and joy to our hearts as I see him grow each day into an adorable child. He is a constant reminder to me of God’s loving-kindness. When he crawls onto my lap and curls up in my arms, he feels safe and sleeps off like nothing else matters. This is one of the joys of motherhood.
The loads of experiences gathered on this journey have shaped my perspective about motherhood. It goes beyond physically birthing a child. When a soul instinctively calls a woman “Mama,” “Mum” or “Mummy,” it speaks to their experience of motherly love, care, nurturing, etc. Romans 8:15 comes to mind. (The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”) This is quite common in some cultures in Nigeria, Africa, and the Middle East. Though without a child of my own for many years, I did not feel less a mother. I had spiritual children I adore.
I understand the journey to motherhood has been and will be different or somewhat similar for others, but it speaks to one of God’s purposes for women. As I continue on this journey, my heart is full of gratitude to the beautiful-hearted sisters God has used to shape me. I am reminded there will be many more days ahead of anxiety, uncertainty, as well as explosive joy from my child’s milestone achievements, transformation, etc. As the days roll into years and these varied stages make their mark in my motherhood journey, may God grant me the wisdom and strength to embrace them graciously.
“Being a mama can be tough, but always remember in the eyes of your child, no one does it better than you.” – Unknown
Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful women!
Perita holds a Diploma in Law and a Bachelor’s degree in History and International Relations. She has a passion for youth development and works with and mentors several youths across West, Central and East African countries.
She serves as an Executive Director at StreSERT Services Limited, a human resource outsourcing company in Lagos, Nigeria with expertise in expatriate management, human resources and project/event management spanning over 22 years. She leads the Human Resource Services team at StreSERT and also plays a complimentary role in providing support to the human resources outsourcing team.
40 Comments
May 29, 2021, 4:30:52 AM
Ijeoma Ekpenyong - Dear Perita. I was opportuned to know you in the Lagos church and I was contracted to a company through Stresert. So inspiring to read your story. We share a similar story, it reminds me of our journey with infertility and how God came through for us. No situation is ever impossible with God for He is faithful. God blesses us to become mothers through different means. It does not matter whether they come directly from your womb or other, what matters is the love you have for them. I have gone through both. I can relate to your feelings and like you, what helped me through them all was God and He is still very much the cornerstone of my life. Thank you for writing this so other women going through the same situation will be encouraged.
May 20, 2021, 3:24:35 AM
Lungiswa Tshayana - Very inspiring story of faith and surrender Pietra. Thanks for sharing your story.
May 18, 2021, 1:37:54 AM
Gbenga Ayinla - My dear friend Perita K, your outlook on life's challenges has been nothing but inspiring and motivating. I know life throw different things in our paths and we react and respond differently. Some cave in, some stand firm. You are one of those who stood firm. Thanks for taking your time to put this in writing for some of us to learn and grow in our faith in God. Your faith will continue to bring you joy and gladness.
May 18, 2021, 1:17:04 AM
Tunery - May God continue to bless your heart of service
May 17, 2021, 2:02:47 PM
Nwanyemike Sunday - God that blessed you will add to your numbers in Jesus mighty name amen
May 17, 2021, 1:58:48 AM
Joy Ngefor Asobo Asongwe - Joy Asongwe - So humbling yet awe inspiring. What an awesome God we serve. An awesome faith richly rewarded by an awesome God. Mother is gold and so are you Sis.May his bountiful blessings accompany you on this journey always!!
May 16, 2021, 8:44:17 AM
Chidiebere Akpojotor - Very very very encouraging. God's love for me is Beyound what I have and don't have. He loves in His own way. Him living me is the best He has go me. Thanks Perita.
May 15, 2021, 4:07:59 PM
Franca Iwuanyanwu - Wow! I admire your sincerity, your love for God and your courage. Though I cannot relate to what you have gone through but I'm a mother. I pray that the good God will bless and keep you strong and healthy, and prosper you spiritually and physically to be able to take good care of Jojo in Jesus mighty name amen. I want to tell you that God is so proud of you for this heartfelt testimony and will bless you beyond measure. May the grace of God be with you and yours. Much love sis.
May 15, 2021, 1:42:24 PM
Bunmi Esther Adefolu - This an inspiring story of hope and faithfulness to God. Your agility for things of God despite your life pursuit is encouraging and building. I admire your courage and pray that God will increase you on every side with all good gifts from above. Lots of love
May 15, 2021, 10:15:28 AM
Busari sunday - You moved me to tears Thank you for sharing this MA. Our God is faithful even in the dark He is still the light...
May 15, 2021, 6:09:50 AM
Nkiru Uyanwune - The very depths of Vulnerability and Gratitude. Perita, May God continue to use you and Gilbert to mold one of my favourite personalities - JoJo into his calling and purpose. Thanks for your friendship through the years. Your heart of love, light and grace is admired and cherished deeply.
May 15, 2021, 4:51:17 AM
Margaret Obaje - Waoo, what an awesome privilege to be a mother in spite of all odds. Your life experiences to mother wood is so inspiring and encouraging. Your motherly qualities is so obvious with other kids and and singles in the church. Your unconditional love for people generally shows your heart to be like Jesus. May God continue to help us love and care like he did.
May 15, 2021, 4:47:04 AM
Sarah Ahonkhai - Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. It's heartfelt and deeply encouraging. While reading through, a scripture came to mind, 1corinthians 11:1 :) Thanks Aunty P, for who you are and all you do & stand for. I pray for more wisdom & strength to fulfill all God plans for you and yours. Love you #hugs
May 15, 2021, 1:00:12 AM
Patience Eyo - What an inspiring story Perita. I have known Perita since I was a teenager myself in the church and seen her grow from singlehood to marriagehood and then motherhood with such a steadfast and preserving heart. Despite all the challenges she went through Perita was always focused on pleasing God. Her commitment to God is evident in her love for disciples and passion for singing in the choir. You are indeed blessed to have Jojo and he you as his mother. Tons of love ❤️
May 15, 2021, 12:40:01 AM
Adebimpe Omo'ba - Oh 'my P' as I fondly call you. Thank you for sharing your story 'journey through motherhood' very inspiting. I may not be able to relate with your story as regard waiting for children but I have had to wait for many other things in my life. So I understand what it means to 'wait' Your story is inspiring today because you had to wait on God for 31years. God will cause the remaining of your life to be filled with many more testimonies. Amen. Lots of Love sis.
May 15, 2021, 12:10:26 AM
Omobola Abolarinwa - I was privileged to hold baby Josef in my arms and I felt God's love radiating through his tiny face at that moment. We all are so blessed to have him come to the Kimengs. Josef would not have wished for a better parent but you both. Thank you for sharing your life's experiences. God will see us all through motherhood as we watch these children confessing Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior. They will bring glory to God's Name. Amen.
May 14, 2021, 5:59:39 PM
elena alarcon calumag - I'm so inspired by your story. God is really an amazing God. Demonstrating in your life His faithfulness. Thank you Sister Perita for being such a great example of enduring faith, I was teary eyed while reading your story. your strong commitment and love for God and for children blessed you with a son JOSEF. Like you I'm a mother of 4 and a grandma of one cute little girl Ocean Samuelle. Praying that God will continue to use you and your family to inspire us in God's Kingdom. A happy journey to motherhood Sis Perita. A warm Hug from our family.
May 14, 2021, 4:25:01 PM
Bukola Olasanya - Wow, I bless God for your life aunty, your story is so inspiring and encouraging. God has ways of standing in gaps for his children. Your joy of motherhood will never go sour. God bless your household. Enjoy motherhood to the fullest
May 14, 2021, 4:11:09 PM
Gbenga Oyawa - Thank you for your transparency. You are indeed an epitome of inspiration to us at ICOC and we appreciate your leadership always. Congratulations once again
May 14, 2021, 3:29:51 PM
Biola Ojo - Wow, I'm amazed at God's awesomeness and faithfulness that have been demonstrated in your life and marriage through and through. Thank you my dear Perita for being such a great example of enduring faith, sincere love, consistency and strong commitment to your maker, little wonder that you are blessed with the precious gift in "Josef" your son. I pray for God's grace and wisdom for you and Gilbert to be the best parents to your adorable son and many more that the LORD will bless you with, amen. Your story is highly inspiring and faith building. God bless you.
May 14, 2021, 12:47:44 PM
Onuoha Oluwunmi - Wow; wow! My dear sister, thank you so much for sharing your story, I was moved to tears reading your story to motherhood, you are indeed a blessing and inspiration to families in the situation. I thank God for you and your wonderful husband. God will continue to use you and your family in his kingdom
May 14, 2021, 12:31:02 PM
Funmi Faneye - Wow! Perita, I'm inspired by your faith, consistency and beautiful smiles you wear ever since I knew you back in 1992.. Your story will surely give hope to a number of us. I praise God for you and your husband
May 14, 2021, 12:24:31 PM
Abiola Scott - I've loved you and your husband since the first day I set my eyes on you; just full of grace and love. Then understanding that you were an expectant mother really got me confused, how would a woman waiting on God be this pleasant and happy. I said a short prayer and reminded God of my plea each time I saw you or heard about you. Thank you for being such an inspiration, for being so vulnerable, for being just sold out to God. Your family is blessed and May the joy of the Lord never cease in your home. I love you Sister Perita
May 14, 2021, 11:54:29 AM
NJOKU CHIDIEBERE - Your story puts flesh to some emotions that cannot be expressed in words on the journey of Parenthood. From close conversation and far away admiration, you have always beemed with Joy, even through it all.God continue to strengthen you and Uncle Gilbert. Thanks so much for sharing.
May 14, 2021, 11:41:32 AM
Joyce - Inspiring story....you're an amazing person including your husband, we know you guys and we the youth, love you guys...The journey to Motherhood might not seem easy, but God will definitely see you through. Josef is an amazing and handsome boy and surely, he will be a great blessing to your family..God never fails... God bless you and your family. Happy Mother's day to you. Love you plenty ❤
May 14, 2021, 11:36:28 AM
Emmanuel Ekpo - Perita, you are a virtuous woman and Gilbert is your God-ordained husband while Josef is your son through and through. God has chosen to reward your faithfulness with a godly man and a child that will become a pillar in the house of God. I admire your courage and openness in sharing your story straight from the heart. Thank you for letting us into your life. You have my deepest respect.
May 14, 2021, 11:34:30 AM
Anthony Gbolagun - To be candid,Dear Sister Perita Kimeng story...My Journey To Motherhood, really humbles me. I see you from afar not knowing what you've been through in your discipleship life. May the good Lord continue to strengthening you and Gilbert your Handsome husband. And Fine Boy Josef will never lack any good things through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. I Like Your Style. Remain blessed!
May 14, 2021, 11:01:38 AM
Juliet okogwu - Whooo!!! Thank you so much for sharing such an amazing story of your life and journey thru motherhood, your story is one I can so personally relate with, having to wait for good eleven years before my son Shawn came and then another 6 years before my daughter came, my joy as I watch them grow is unquantifiable, only God is worthy of my praise and thanksgiving, my prayer for you, for me and all the other mothers in this same journey is for God to help us to raise this children in ways that will bring him glory, that is our perfect way of showing our gratitude to this God that has been so gracious to us, once again thanks so much for sharing
May 14, 2021, 9:28:27 AM
Chinyere Ajadi - Thank you for your constant stand in your relationship with your creator and how in the moments of waiting you did not give up to that which you wanted from God. I believe that your son will definitely bring many more years of joy to your family members and home and you are a wonderful woman of faith despite your husband's health situation which you know fully well,you did not look back. At the right time we all ,will definitely come back to this story one day because God never sleeps for those who loves him. Peace of God to you and your household IJN.
May 14, 2021, 9:27:33 AM
Elizabeth Crawford - Wow! I am so proud of you my dear sister and friend. Thanks for being so vulnerable. May God give you the wisdom to nurture your son in a godly way. Love you plenty.
May 14, 2021, 9:11:34 AM
Ngozi orumwense - Thank you so much dear sister for sharing your life. I can relate to most things you shared. May God continue to give you wisdom and all that you need to raise Joseph to God's glory. Your vulnerability is highly appreciated.
May 14, 2021, 9:10:31 AM
Olaseni Olorunfemi - Very deep, inspiring and moving story. Thanks for sharing from the heart.
May 14, 2021, 9:10:17 AM
Fabamise - I just want to thank God for his faithfulness over your life, i am so encouraged by your story. Josef is bless to have you as a mother. I pray all the resources needed to take care of him God will provide. Amen
May 14, 2021, 9:01:09 AM
Oyedokun Oyeniran - Perita, I can testify to your outstanding lifestyle as a disciple of Jesus right from back in the days in Ilupeju and Anthony, and your beautiful relationship with Gilbert that led to the inspiring story of your Motherhood journey, I pray that Josef will be a springboard of more Joy’s to behold now and in future in Jesus name amen. As you have refreshed Josef and brought hope to his life, the good Lord will refresh your womb and grant you your heart desires. Much love
May 14, 2021, 8:56:14 AM
Grace Jayeola - This is so inspiring and Motivating, as you embark on this journey of Motherhood God will continue to give you wisdom to train your on in the ways of the Lord Amen
May 14, 2021, 8:54:00 AM
Yemisi Ogunboye - Wow! Beautiful write up. God is simply AWESOME! Thank you for your heart that's so filled with love!
May 14, 2021, 8:43:12 AM
Roselyn Awolowo - Perita and Gilbert Kimeng has mentored my husband and I way before we got married 8years ago. I'm blessed to have her in my life and very proud of the mother she has become. I had no doubt you'll be a great mummy.
May 14, 2021, 8:35:01 AM
Anastasia Undie-Adie - I just want to say BABA E SE
May 14, 2021, 8:32:27 AM
Henrietta Emeh - God Grace and faithfulness radiates in your journey my friend , Josef is a lovely gift to you and Gilbert. I am thankful to God for this .
May 14, 2021, 8:31:16 AM
Adegbola Abiodun - I'm very proud of you for your faith in the Lord for the past 31 years. Sharing about your life will go a long way to inspire many women in the faith that have similar challenges. I pray that God will continue to strengthen and bless you and your family as you continue to hold on to the blood stained banner to the end.. Please keep the faith and be happy. Wish you grace and peace in the Lord.