Realistic Idealistic Parenting
‘Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.’ Colossians 3: 1-2 How do we keep an idealistic faith in the face of the reality of turbulent times? We are all too aware of the challenges of raising a family in this day & age & mothers are at the forefront of it. As a mother, how has your idealistic faith fared? How has your heart felt & faced life these few months past with your family? What has filled your thoughts & speech at home? How have you acted & reacted to daily events? We would hope our walk with God & idealistic faith would bring us closer to the example of Jesus even as our outer shell ages. As life complications increase at home & the physical trials hit our health, our minds can get equally burdened with stress. This is the time that our hearts & minds need an equally increasing love, wisdom & deep commitment to fight the needed battles of faith. And now at 58 with my feet planted on the ground, I have learned & continued to grow through the painful but important lessons needed for spiritual salvation for me & my family. Colossians 3: 1-2 Keeping our feet on the ground & our heart & mind on things above, allows us to champion the waters of motherhood with our faith intact & grounded in His purpose. I have been thinking about idealism in the realm of motherhood. 30 years ago at 28 I became a first time mom. Full of wonder, passion, purity & promise for the mom I desired to be & the family I was destined to raise spiritually. But at 28, I possessed a motherhood idealism without the reality. The idealistic self needed to be fleshed out with the real life daily lessons, convictions, wisdom & experience gained in hindsight of this incredible journey. So how do we raise a realistic idealistic family? How can my feet stay rooted on the ground of reality while I let my heart & mind soar above in motherhood? I was recently gifted with a new title ‘Grandma’ to our first granddaughter, Adelynn Jane. We are also eagerly awaiting the arrival of our second granddaughter, Reia Jane, in early 2020. It is both humbling & surreal; a new beginning by grace, a new miracle to savor & a new calling of endless learning. My daughters are also 28 & 26 as they enter into their motherhood journey. So what would I tell my daughters about realistic idealistic parenting looking back on my 30 year journey? I want to capture my thoughts from the Canaanite mother that desperately initiated with Jesus in Matthew 15: 21-28‘Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. 22 A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.” 23 Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.” 24 He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.” 25 The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said. 26 He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.” 27 “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.” 28 Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment.’
Jesus had just faced a prideful & prejudiced religious audience that challenged Jesus’ authority, teachings & practices. Jesus’ onward & deliberate journey to Tyre brought an unexpected follower. One that was a social & spiritual outcast & a mother. And to Jesus’ surprise, this mother showed a spiritually relentless faith in the face of harsh life realities. Her daughter was suffering & in desperate need of help. This Canaanite mother has much to say to me & all of us mothers who are seeking to raise a godly family in these often challenging times.
Realistic idealistic motherhood calls us to ‘set your hope in God alone’. In v. 22 this mother came directly to Jesus for help regardless of the tremendous odds against her. How easy for her to have set her hope in what she could do to cure her daughter in her own way. She could have justified a victim-mindset as Jesus remained silent to her initial plea. Instead, her single-minded focus on God showed a deep trust & reliance on any & every issue in life. In her ensuing conversation with Jesus, she clearly states she needs Him only, her little girl needs Him & that even crumbs, just that little of Him is sufficient for their deepest needs & healing. This mother remains with Jesus. Despite her real fears & anxiety for her daughter, her trust stays constant with Jesus. When accompanying my daughters in preparing for their babies, there was a long list of ‘must have essentials’ that would meet the baby’s physical & emotional needs. It is easy to be distracted away from our true focus in the greater picture of parenting, the spiritual needs to be met from Jesus. Parenting with godly values, developing a well-balanced character & healthy relationship connections should bring us back to His Word & prayer consistently. So in the midst of fears for our families’ future; health, education, safety & finances...to whom & to where have we turned to for help & reliance for guidance? Realistic idealistic motherhood calls us to ‘set your heart on humility’. In v. 22 she knew & addressed Jesus as Lord & as the Son of David, her Messiah. She, unlike the religious teachers of the law, bowed down in humility & simply worshiped the God who was completely worthy of such reverence. In v. 23-27, her heart remained the same despite Jesus’ reaction of silence followed by a stark statement of truth & seemingly sterile remark. In our current times of being easily offended & easily entitled, it is a challenge to remain in a humble posture towards God. Especially when we retain many faulty & shallow assumptions about what God should & should not do for us. When my daughter experienced a miscarriage like I did 27 years ago, I felt comforted with the way she faced this painful & crushing reality as she poured out her grief in honest prayer. Yet despite this closed door & deep disappointment, she never felt like she was a victim, nor entitled to an answer or reparation. Instead she kept a deep humility towards God & never doubted God’s love for her. As life brings pain, can we keep our humility in the forefront to worship Him as our Lord? Realistic idealistic motherhood calls us to ‘set your mind for persevering faith.’ In v. 27-28, she persisted in the right way with her acceptance of Jesus’ response. This mother neither argued, demanded nor considered herself a victim. In the face of reality, she was not easily daunted by her negative emotions nor did her pride flair up. Love kept her faith forward. She saw in Jesus a compassion that would not turn her away. She believed in His ability & willingness to help. The measure of our faith is conditioned by what we see in Jesus. So this was in fact perhaps a test of how her faith would respond under the reality of these worst of times. In this role of motherhood, many things come up unexpectedly, unplanned & lay far from our control & expectations. My husband has always reminded our family that when there is a tough decision to make or a when we struggle to know God’s will, take the path that requires MORE faith. As we raise our children, can they see us fighting for or against our faith? Having a realistic idealistic walk with God requires us to lean into Him always, to stay surrendered & to persevere in ways that honor God’s purpose for your family. God has not given up on us as a fallen human race. He doesn’t just care about you as an individual; He cares about your whole family & the faithful obedience of the parents has a direct impact on the spiritual health of our children. Let this courageous mother armed with tenacious faith inspire us to seek out more of Jesus in 2020. with love & respect,Jane chin
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