Seeing Yourself The Way God Sees You

Rachel Deleault, Pioneer Valley Church, Westfield, Massachusetts, USA

When I finally came face-to-face with Jesus in my late 20s, I felt so much sorrow and regret over the things I’d done that I just wanted to pretend it had never happened. My childhood had been clouded with the sentiment that I wasn’t wanted or loved. As a teen, attention from boys filled the void and gave me hope that maybe I could be wanted and loved, someone’s chosen, maybe even someone’s favorite. Heartbreak led to disillusionment and sorrow. The “love” that I believed would validate me and save me from my childhood only created more wounds. When I learned that God’s plan for “love” was vastly different from what I experienced, I was devastated. I couldn’t relive my childhood or undo what I'd done. I felt ruined and doubted that anyone would ever want me.

In Genesis 16 we read about Hagar, a slave given in marriage and then so mistreated she runs away into the desert. We find her in the desert again in chapter 21 though this time she’s been cast out. We all understand wanting to run from suffering and to be unwanted. Each time Hagar finds herself in the desert, she’s met by an Angel of the Lord who brings her comfort and vision. Read Genesis 21:8-20.

Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink. Genesis 21:19

Like Hagar, we are often unable to see beyond our suffering or circumstances in the desert until God helps us see the whole story. Hagar isn’t just a slave given in marriage, mistreated and unwanted; she’s also someone the Lord hears, sees, and comforts.

It was in passages like Isaiah 54:4-8 and Ezekiel 16:1-14 that the Lord sought me, comforted me and gave me vision. When I’d suffered, God had seen it too. When no one cared for me, He’d felt compassion. He acknowledged my pain because He was there, and I didn’t have to pretend my past didn’t happen, because He promised a different future in Him.

“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
    Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
    and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
For your Maker is your husband—
    the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
    he is called the God of all the earth.
The Lord will call you back
    as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
    only to be rejected,” says your God.
“For a brief moment I abandoned you,
    but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
In a surge of anger
    I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
    I will have compassion on you,”
    says the Lord your Redeemer. 
Isaiah 54:4-8

The words I had so longed to hear as a child He had already written for me thousands of years before. I am not just that unwanted, unloved child, or that heartbroken, disillusioned teen, and I’m not just the sum of all my failures and regrets. I am also wanted, loved and chosen by God - His favorite! My story is only complete when I can see it the way He sees it, from beginning to end.

Take some time to reflect on the following questions:

• What story did Hagar believe about herself? What story do you believe about yourself?
• How did God rewrite Hagar’s story? How is God rewriting yours?

The Bible says that you are most valuable to God.

Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life.

Isaiah 43:4

Where in your story do you need help seeing yourself the way God sees you? Pray and ask God to show you your story as He sees it, and take some time to journal His comforts and vision for you.