I was baptized in my late 20s in Malaysia after living in New Zealand and the UK for a decade. As a single woman new to the faith, I was living it out as a disciple, enjoying my newfound freedom and transformed with a renewed mind. I loved and served God as freely as my heart and spirit called me to. I also went on lots of dates and soon, I began to feel the biological clock ticking and experienced FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). Pretty soon, I found myself listing and shortlisting my favorite brothers, which then led to wedding bells.

I was married for 13 years, but honestly speaking, I still find this marriage thing and shared lives a mystery and a puzzle. You see, all my life, even when young, I was mostly in the driver’s seat, charting my own direction and destination. When I met God, conceptually, I understood that God is my GPS navigation system, and I am still primarily at the driver’s seat following His voice.

Being married meant that I shifted from the driver’s side over to the passenger side with the occasional backseat driving. This is the biblical way of living out Ephesians 5:22. What could go wrong?

Well, imagine each of our lives and path are vines. Ideally, when we get married and share a life together, the vines should grow and intertwine harmoniously with the branch. But that is not always the case, is it? Here’s a few scenarios for illustration:

1. One vine is growing full steam ahead but the other is just curling round and round, stifling and dragging down the other vine.
2. One vine is growing towards the sun while the other the opposite direction.
3. One vine is flaccid, and the other vine is trying to pull the other vine together.
4. Both vines are growing in circles and entangling with other vines.

Obviously, if the vines were healthy and received pruning every now and then to remain healthy, that shouldn’t be a problem, right? But what if that’s not the case? Then what?

I was at ‘then what’ four years ago. Honestly, it seemed like a relief initially. But then there was managing my kids in coping with the news and coming to terms with the loss that had to be put on priority. Then I also had to process and deal with the loss because there was a desire and a dream to build something meaningful together but that failed and ended. I felt abandoned and lost. I had to find my compass and direction again after years of being driven somewhere else. I had to take stock and chart my own journey and start over.

During my inward journey of grief and re-discovering who I was, together with a few good friends and sisters who stood by me and walked with me, the most important lesson I had to internalize was my worth with God. Many nights I woke up in tears due to insecurity that swept over me, nights where I felt so afraid that I was not able to see my children through to adulthood financially and to live comfortable enough in my golden years. I had to hide this insecure part of me from my kids. So I would take walks away from the kids just to process and reflect on my emotions. And as I strolled through my neighbourhood, I could see wholesome families and I would simply tear up. The tears were of guilt for robbing my kids of a wholesome family environment and of loss.

Those days, I was closer to God than ever before. I was constantly consulting Him on His GPS navigation and sharing with Him my deepest desire to love Him and honor Him with my life, given a second chance to love Him unhindered. Slowly but surely, my confidence was rebuilt. One that is based on knowing that He is my Creator, and I am too precious to be driven somewhere else that was not planned for me. In my search to find my path that God had meant for me, I slowly found many areas in my life being restored and I came back stronger.

“See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands. Always in my mind is a picture of Jerusalem’s walls in ruins.”
Isaiah 46:16 (NLT)

Once I was ready, I started to review and reflect on what role and area I should serve God and His kingdom that would bring glory to Him. I looked at my talents and started serving in many capacities in church, but nothing really called home to me. I knew I had to make good of the path that I had been on and to help others who are going through similar paths, but I just did not know how.

As God would have it, I joined the Asian Seasoned Singles Conference in 2019 – reluctantly, to be honest. But I did not expect to meet many sisters who are single mothers, and I was blown away at how much good an organized, faithful and supportive community of women with similar paths can be for these women’s lives as well as their kids’. Not only that—they were literally shining like stars as disciples. I was very fired up by what I saw and with the encouragement of other Precious Women leaders from the region, I took this dream home and mooted the idea with the staff to start a single moms ministry in Malaysia. Since November 2019, we are a group of 5 women, finding our feet and helping each other to walk tall as single moms. We started the group with the following Scriptures as our guiding principles and above all, to love God with all our hearts, and with all our souls, and with all our minds, and to love our neighbours as ourselves.

“Father to the fatherless, defender of widows – this is God, whose dwelling is holy.”
Psalms 68:5 (NLT)

“But if she has children (i.e. single mom)* or grandchildren, their first responsibility it to show godliness at home and repay their parents by taking care of them. This is something that pleases God.”
1 Timothy 5:4 (NLT)
* own words

In closing, I am very grateful to be given a second chance and am very happy to be back in the driver’s seat with two kids in tow. My journey with God as my GPS navigation system post break up has been exhilarating and beyond my imagination. He really does equip us for every good work.

Hope this helps other sisters out there. To God be the glory.

About E-Ling

Baptised in Central Christian Church of Malaysia on 9 Feb 2002. Professionally, she is a subject matter expert in the Automotive industry in Malaysia and a regional Marketing professional for one of the top 4 best-selling automotive brands in the world. She leads the single moms’ ministry in Kuala Lumpur and serves in the Church Building fundraising committee.