Trusting God with our Teens

Emma Le Noan

When my eldest child, a boy, started middle school, I was quite scared at the idea of becoming the mother of a teen. (Yes, he was not yet a teen!) I was the sort of person who tended to look at all the worst possible outcomes so as not to be surprised by any of them, so I imagined all the pitfalls that this age could bring and worried that my son would be tempted by all sorts of bad influences, and how I could stop that from happening.

Obviously, this is not a faith-filled way to raise children. It comes from a place of worry, which is never a good master. “Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear.” I read this quote from Corrie Ten Boom in a daily meditation that I followed last year. This was and can still be my tendency, humbling though it is to admit it after following Christ for 33 years. The scripture verse that has most recently helped me with this is Isaiah 41:10 “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand.” HCSB

Probably about 99% of my worries never materialized for my children’s teen years. Not that they were problem-free, or that nothing “bad” happened. But all the worry I had experienced was useless, served no purpose, or worse maybe, it prevented my enjoyment of many great things. When a problem did arise, scripture such as the one cited above enabled me to face up to it. And problems will always arise.

My children grew up in the Paris church, which at the time of their teenage years, was a small church with few teens. In 2003 the church went from about 600 members with dedicated paid teen workers and preteen workers to a group that numbered altogether about 70 members a few years later. My oldest son was ten in 2003. For various reasons, most of my children’s friends in the church moved away in the two years following this big upheaval, and there was only a handful of kids left. Leaning on a strong teen ministry or a super teen leader was not a possibility. And where were all my kids’ friends going to come from?

When I look back on those times, I learned these lessons (among a trillion others!):

1. God will provide.
2. He will provide in ways that I didn’t imagine.
3. He will provide by using me!                                                                                          4. Going through hard times can be positive for the faith of your children.

God will provide

The story of Abraham, to whom God promised many descendants, gave me faith that God would provide for my children, even if the structure of the church did not seem to be able to provide what I had hoped for my children. Romans 4:19 says that “Abraham did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old) or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah’s womb.” The body of the church may have seemed as good as dead to me and the outlook pretty barren, but if God wanted my children to become disciples of Jesus, (and of course, there was no arguing with that) then He would provide. The passage goes on to say in verse 20, “No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he promised.”

I read this passage and I believed it. I believed that even if I didn’t know how to help my children and even if by sight I couldn’t see who would, God would still be able to do it.

God provides in ways that I didn’t imagine

This became clear to me in hindsight.

One of the things that God is clearly calling us to do is to show hospitality: Hebrews 13:2 says “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” (Another reference to Abraham!)

During all the time of my children’s teen years, countless numbers of people, known to me or not, stayed in our house. At first, I did not really see the fact that this was a way God was providing for my children (it seemed like I was providing for others!). But it was one way that God was providing for my kids. They were able to meet all sorts of disciples from around the world, who stopped off in our house – some who came to strengthen the church – some who were giants in the faith for me and my husband. My children may not have had a strong teen ministry or a particularly vibrant church setting during their preteen and early teen years, but they were able to meet and be influenced by Christians from many places. They had even more privileged interactions with some of these people than they would have had if the church had been the way it was before 2003.

God provides by using me!

Abraham believed that God would provide, but he had to do his part. The child of the promise was of Sarah’s womb and Abraham’s seed – he still had to do his part – and he probably enjoyed that part!

My part was to become a teen worker! I didn’t know that at first, but if my children were going to have fun and spiritual teen activities, and there was nobody else providing, then maybe it was up to me. I started with what I knew and enjoyed – food, crafts, getting people together, pulling other people in who could help – older teen disciples from Boston, other parents, other young people. There was no teen/preteen camp in France? Okay, so let’s make it happen. And so we did. In 2004 we ran the first camp with four or five parents and nineteen kids for three nights at a campsite. Since that time, the camp has not stopped growing. It currently involves all the French-speaking European churches and is held in the Swiss Alps, one week for preteens and one week for teens.

Over the years, between my eldest son’s tenth birthday and my daughter’s eighteenth birthday – a total of fifteen years – I can fairly say that my time and energy, not to mention money, was poured into providing opportunities for my children and the other children in the Paris church. My husband was also there, supporting and helping me, a great father to his children, but he was not the main driver in this endeavor for several reasons. His concentration went beyond the teen ministry when considering the needs of our church. I was not totally alone in this; other people in the church brought their gifts, and it was a team effort. What I’m trying to say is that I did not sit around waiting to see what would happen.

God provided in many ways. I will just mention that another way that I saw God provide was when we were able to participate in a training session held by John and Karen Louis on “Good-Enough Parenting.” This made a huge difference in how we viewed some aspects of parenting. Our daughter was fifteen at the time, and it was very timely for us to learn that “connection and acceptance” is the number one need of your child. Their book is available on Amazon, https://www.amazon.fr/Good-Enough-Parenting-Perspective-Exasperation-ebook/dp/B00CHAYR46/ref=sr_1_1?__mk_fr_FR=ÅMÅŽÕÑ&crid=3V68NERXCG08R&keywords=Good+enough+parenting&qid=1643125176&sprefix=good+enoug%2Caps%2C1682&sr=8-1

if you are not familiar with it.

God takes our talents and multiplies them. He will provide, but we are part of the provision!

Going through hard times can be good for the faith of your children

Naturally as mothers we want to protect our children. We want them to have an ideal experience, we want them to think that life as a Christian is all about love, forgiveness, being like Jesus. And that is true. So how do we handle it when people leave, when there are tensions, when there are big traumas in the church? This was the context for my kids. If we have no strong roots in the Bible, then other people’s sin can cause a lot of damage and cause us to sin in our response, perhaps causing even more damage. If our children see us grappling with the word of God to do what is right in hard circumstances, it is much more powerful as an example than when we are not so challenged. Spiritual growth comes from facing up to challenges and dealing with the pain that arises from them, being faithful through the hard times. I had a lot of growing to do, and it was definitely not easy. The problems that I faced up to were sometimes worse than my fears, but I know today that God is bigger than every problem. And I know that easy is not satisfying but growing and overcoming are.

Conclusion

The challenges facing our teens today may be different to those that affected my children. Indeed, aside from local and personal circumstances, a major difference is the omnipresence of the internet with social media, gaming and other virtual attractions. This is a major shift in the life of teens in just one generation. Parents need to be educated and aware of how this can impact a teen’s life. The book Screen Kids by Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane can be a valuable resource for considering ways to deal with the impact of screens on children of all ages.

But first and foremost, though, do you believe that God will provide?