Trusting Untrustworthy People

Sanj Horadagoda, Australia

Soon after I became a disciple as a teenager, my older sister and younger brother also became disciples in the Toronto church. I remember how fun it was to go to church together, united in our love for God and His church. We were always pretty close as siblings but this new focus on His word added depth and joy to our bond. Unfortunately within 2 years of getting baptized, tragedy struck. My sister Jufiyah developed an acute form of leukemia (blood cancer) and passed away mere months after the diagnosis. Although questions about why God would allow such a loss - especially at a time when we were excitedly united in Him - challenged my faith....the greater challenge came from grappling with why my sister felt alone and deserted by our church community during the last days of her life. She often commented that she wished more people would call or come around to visit. Despite being ill, she wanted to be included and needed. After her death, I struggled with feelings of anger, betrayal and distrust with church members. I remember telling someone that I only came to church because I loved God and that I hated the people at church. Even then I knew I was expressing a theological contradiction (1 John 4:20) but I just could not understand how God could ask me to love and (especially) trust such an untrustworthy lot.

devotional

As I begged God on how to move forward from the difficult, lonely and cold place I found myself in, over the course of years, He faithfully highlighted two important things ;

1. God trusts me even though I'm untrustworthy. Just like the rich man who walked by poor Lazarus every day without meeting his needs (Luke 16:19-31), God opened my eyes to how I often passed by needs in my family, church, work and wider community / world. For example, when others became sick in the church community, I did not always make the time to go see them. And yet, God chose to give me His love and trust by putting Jesus on the cross. As I realised how much I needed His grace, it made it so much easier to extend that grace and forgive others.

2. God wants me to trust Him above all else, not people/church or things or ideals. Jesus himself did not entrust himself to people because He knew the hearts of people (John 2:24). I was not to love and serve and be in community with His people because any of us were good (Psalm 118:8-9)....only because He is good!! (Mark 10:18)....what a relief and freedom I felt. Engaging with people was possible and wonderful again because I was giving my heart to others but trusting God first. Knowing that God is working everything out (Romans 8:28), makes the inevitable situations when people fail me or I fail them, while still painful and difficult, times of growth and bonding.

reflection questions

• Are there areas in your life where you are putting your trust in other things or people or ideas instead of God first? What are the results? How can you change the focus of your trust back to God?

• Think about / write about whether there are any hurts and / or hang-ups from past interactions with others in the church that make you hesitate to give your heart to them or others? Meditate on the memory scripture and ask God how your heart can heal and you can love them as he commands.

challenge

Memory scripture: "Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen." – 1 John 4:20