Midlife Milestones

Midlife is a milestone but it also can stir up a great number of unanticipated life storms. All of a sudden, we find ourselves in the midst of a brewing typhoon that is picking up the debris of health issues, ageing parents, financial crisis, career stagnation, rebellious teens & marital strife. And if that was not enough to blow us over, we face menopause & the aftermath of anxiety, regrets & depression. Perhaps as we reflect on our lives as supposedly modern free women, we unexpectedly feel bound up & burdened by dissatisfaction & jealousy. As women, wives & mothers, the raw realities of love & intimate family relationships has left us pretty bruised, hurt, hugely disappointed & scarred on our insides; incarcerated in our solitary cell of low self-esteem, unrequited love & the bitterness of an unforgiving heart.  

The Bible offers many unsung heroines that have weathered & suffered through life’s trials & storms, whether through their own decisions or through the manipulation that is thrust on them by others. You hear of Rachel’s story much more than that of Leah her older sister. As we face our midlife journey, Leah has much to teach us about surrender & staying spiritually strong in suffering. 

In Genesis 29, the story of Leah starts with her family relationships. Leah was the eldest daughter with a younger sister Rachel, who was more beautiful & charismatic, at least on the outside, was more loved. No one noticed Leah for her character, her faithfulness or her submissive spirit. Her family life & marriage became a drama of manipulation, rejection & unrequited love which left Leah unfulfilled & shamed. Perhaps like Leah we feel lonely & uncared for in our marriages. Or we feel a sense of failure, friction & disconnect with our relationship with our children which is not much different than families & marriages of today. 

As life unfolded, her father judged her to be undesirable & un-marriageable so he manipulated a marriage to Jacob that would hurt her for a lifetime. Genesis 29: 30 states that Jacob, her husband simply loved Rachel more than Leah. Jacob was tricked into this marriage but he did not abuse Leah nor did he harm her in any way. That did not change the fact that Leah always dreamed of the day that if no one else will love her, her own husband would one day. But the hurt nonetheless would leave behind broken dreams & a scarred heart.  

Most of life’s trials are associated with love. Leah, like most of us, long to be cherished & loved. But longing to be loved versus actually being loved are 2 different realities. Her suffering came from close relationships that were unfulfilling & distant in her family; a lost hope that would haunt her self-worth & of not being loved for herself. Much like Leah, we may feel we invested so much to love others over the past decades in our marriages, families & friendships. Perhaps at midlife, we feel more empty & more drained; unappreciated & unnoticed. These painful realities are more heightened when coupled with menopause & the barge of strong emotions that leave us feeling personally attacked. Feelings of depression, anxiety & stress can easily settle in our hearts unless we take healthy steps to diffuse this internal bomb.  

Normalize Midlife: Leah bears witness daily to the outcome of her life with a heart of deep disappointment. As far as the Bible notes her reaction, she responds to all this in silence. The Bible tells us nothing about her emotions, either towards Jacob (does she passionately love him at first sight, as he loves Rachel?) or towards her younger sister Rachel (is she angry & jealous at the way her sister effortlessly inspires Jacob's devotion?). Leah did not avoid this suffering but learned eventually to embrace & even normalize her circumstances rather than to be overly consumed by them. She found an inner growth path through the pain of life through learning to let go of that which she could not control & trusting God with providing that which she truly needed. As we look back to our past year or months, what has been your usual reaction in face of such disappointments & arrested hopes? Do we feel bitterness & the inability to forgive those that hurt us? Perhaps Leah understood on a deeper level that her pain must have a purpose & with God’s help it could in turn produce some unexpected good in her life. 

Stained Glass Lives: In the midst of life’s storms, God became a more apparent & vital lifeline for Leah. Genesis 29: 31 ‘When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless.’ Stained glass without light is a weak rendition compared to its beauty when light captures & transforms it into a vivid work of art. God’s love, concern & presence make an indelible difference in Leah’s imperfect life & despite her trials. Although loved less by others, she was loved by God. Because of God, she found inner strength to bravely embrace her spiritual journey. How easy it is to overlook God's blessings because there is something we don't have. Leah’s ‘don’t have’ actually led her to pray & cling to God; to allow Him to ultimately showcase His deep empathy, understanding & love in spite of the looming shadow of her painful circumstances.  

Miracle Moments: In Genesis 29: 32-35 Leah conceives 4 sons. There is a remarkable change in Leah as a mother as seen in the names she chose for them. The meaning of the names of Reuben, Simeon, Levi were all related to her suffering & the unrequited love of her husband Jacob. But when she gives birth to her 4th son she names him Judah.  v. 35 ‘She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “This time I will praise the Lord.” So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children.’ The name of Judah is completely focused on praising God; on her life & being focused on being loved by Him & in turn being utterly committed to loving & pleasing Him. In time, Leah, not Rachel, was the mother of Judah, through whom the lineage of Jesus would ultimately come. Often it is in times of disappointment & failed hopes that we become embittered which leads to making reactive wrong & bad decisions. The only question is ‘Who are you thinking about?’ ‘How are you choosing to think about life’s circumstances?’ Jacob chose Rachel. God chose Leah. Leah in turn chose to reciprocate & pour her heart out to God. She also grew to pull her longing for love from a man to her faithful God. Because of that monumental shift, her prayers became reverent praise. These were the best of miracle moments. 

Her Godly (not Happily) Ever After: Life is not a fairy tale. It is full of the grandest of blessings & the deepest of hurts. But it takes great faith in God & the courage to navigate the right decisions in this crucible of midlife crisis. These are the invaluable convictions that speak of a Leah who became a woman of inner strength & beauty, full of godliness & grace: 

1. Let go of the chaos you cannot control & find ways to keep the semblance of peace & normality in. 

2. Reject the poison of bitterness & inject does of gratefulness & praise daily. 

3. Embrace pain & suffering & letting it serve as an agent of personal character growth. 

4. Pray with honesty & humility; facing reality with faith but letting hope fly. 

1 Peter 1: 7-9 ‘These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.’ 

‘Never give up your spiritual life for anything that death can take away.’ This quote echoes the 1 Peter 1 Scripture. No life is perfect but no life was meant to be lived without God. Leah’s spiritual journey led her to an awareness of God’s presence in her life that ultimately sustained her & gave her the needed strength & hope to rise above her painful circumstances. Of special note, with a rather unanticipated outcome, Jacob decided & determined to be buried next to Leah, the wife he loved less, rather than next to the wife he loved more. Leah was honored beyond the grave but her her greater honor was to be known & loved by God amidst the wilderness of life. Whether as a younger more naive Leah or as a much more wearied & burdened more mature Leah, we bear witness to her inner strength as a women facing midlife outcomes with a great measure of grace. 

with prayers & hope, 

jane