On the Edge of the Hole

By Tereza de Faria Lopes, Brasilia

Editors’ Note: 

As you enjoy this glimpse into the lives and faith of our sisters in South American churches, we want you to know that most of these women are writing for us in a language that is not their native tongue. Where possible, we have not overly “English-ified” their writing, so as not to interfere with their own individual voice and to give you a more authentic feel as they share their hearts and experiences with us. Hugs to you all in Brazil from us at WTI! 

At the very beginning of my Christian life, as an exercise in filling my mind with everything that is good and deserves praise (Philippians 4:8), I learned to list my personal blessings, the ones I received directly from the loving hand of God.

What are the best blessings?

Family, profession, marriage, children, friends? Yes! God blesses us with the fulfillment of many desires of our hearts. Two years ago, however, I experienced the opportunity to be blessed with something much deeper, which surpasses all understanding!

The year 2022 brought me something completely new, unexpected and challenging: the loss of my mother to stomach cancer in just over 30 days between her diagnosis and her death.

How to understand all this? Mom has always been the family’s strength and our safe haven!

She had never been sick! She always took care of all of us!

When she died, a huge hole was left. She left a crater so big it was impossible to see the other side or the bottom! I saw myself there, trapped on the edge of that hole, less than a step away from falling into it. Coincidentally, the challenges and responsibilities in my work increased drastically and I cried and said silently to God: “I can't do it! I don't want to go through all this! Take me out of here!”

But God didn't take me away.

Psychologists can explain the character of grief and sadness. It is not a linear process, but it can be permeated by feelings of anger, denial, bargaining and sadness, before we are invited to accept and live the season of change. In my own process, what made a big difference for me was realizing that, on the edge of that immense empty hole, I was surrounded by God's embrace, where I could rest (if I wanted). It was just us there: the hole, me and God’s embrace. I could decide whether to lean into the hole or lean back into the embrace. Then I heard God insistently inviting me to rest in Him right there, on the edge of the hole, in the season of pain, to know His love in a unique and inexplicable way. I learned that God may not remove us from the place of pain, but He never withdraws His embrace, and the hole may not seem so big and threatening!

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he will strengthen you in the depths of his soul. be with power through his Spirit, so that Christ may dwell in the hearts of you through faith; and I pray that, being rooted and grounded in love, may you, together with all the saints, understand the breadth, the length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses all knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” - Ephesians 3:16-19 (NIV)

On the edge of the hole, God made me add something very special to my list of blessings.

The greatest and most valuable: the strength of the Spirit within me; strength in my soul; the strength of faith, to serve God and do my duty. If the love of Christ is poured into innermost part of our hearts, then Christ dwells there!

On the edge of the hole, I discovered and accepted that I have FREEDOM in God when I face difficult situations! Pain does not enslave me.

On the edge of the hole, dear sisters, I wish we could all find the Father's embrace. He is there! Trust! Let's worship him there! 

“My brothers, consider it a matter of great joy when you experience various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And perseverance must have complete action, so that you may be mature and upright, without lacking anything. If any of you lack wisdom, ask God for it, who gives it to everyone freely and willingly; and it will be granted to you.”  - James 1:2-5 NIV

1. How do you interpret and perceive pain? Do you accept changes? In times of transition, where do you find your identity?
2. Where do you find rest? The answer to this question determines whether you will experience blessings or live with the weight of uncertainty in times of change.

Tereza was baptized in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil in 1997. She has been married to Alex, a disciple, for 20 years and they have an 18-year-old son, Fabrício. Alex and Teresa are currently members of the Church of Christ in Brasília.