Secure in God
Testimony by
Carissa Christianto
Jakarta, Indonesia
Where is my soulmate?
The biggest challenge and worry for many sisters who are 30 and older and have been in the kingdom of God for a long time, say, over ten years -- is to find their soulmate. Many of us are grieved to see our fellow sisters in Christ leave the church because of this.
I was baptized in October 1999, when I was 18 years old. I was invited by a classmate who also invited many others in our class to go to church. I lived my life as a Christian from 1999 to 2008 in Melbourne, Australia. In February 2008, I decided to try to live a life in Jakarta, Indonesia.
Living in Jakarta as a single unmarried woman, even though I was financially independent (blessed with a good job), goes against the tradition in Asia. Normally, an unmarried woman would live with her family.
From the beginning, my life in Jakarta has not been easy spiritually. I’ve had to face a very religious father who was not happy that his daughter would not go to his church with him. I’ve had to attend his church at 5:30 am before I could worship with our Jakarta church at 10 am. I was also not able to attend many spiritual gatherings in our church ass I would have liked, due to various circumstances involving my parents. However, God is good. I still managed to attend Sunday services and Bible Discussions/Discipleship time every week.
Faith vs. Family Traditions
It was not until the year 2013 that my parents started to worry a lot and pushed me to be in a relationship. It is common in Asian families to worry if their daughter is still single when she turns 30. When I was 32, one day one of my neighbors introduced me to a young man. This man became my friend. He soon won over the heart of my families (my immediate and extended families) and therefore they urged me to accept his request to be his girlfriend. And so I became his girlfriend.
During our four months of courtship, my conscience was never at ease. I knew I was not doing the right thing. A good verse to describe my situation was 1 John 1:5-10. I did confess my sin, but my conscience was still not clear. I managed to persuade him to study the Bible with our ministry leader during our relationship but my conscience had not become clear. We broke up in the middle of April 2014 because I wanted to obey what the Bible says. He stopped studying the Bible.
Soon after, I joined the Precious Women Fellowship. It is a fellowship of mature & spiritual single sisters who became my friends, advisors, inspirations, and mentors in my journey as a disciple of Christ. I was also always inspired by the lessons that were shared at the PWF meetings every Saturday in the third week of the month. They were really faith-building and character-building.
My parents were furious. They screamed, yelled, and persecuted me. They were angry at me every time we had a chance to sit down together as a family, at dinner times and on special occasions.
Meanwhile, I was enjoying my relationship with some of the sisters in PWF. I would share my struggles and my worries. They gave me sound spiritual advice and encouragement.
God blessed me with another relationship, with a man who is a brother in our church, in the middle of a time which I felt to be a real “trial.” Since that time, I was not persecuted anymore and overall my relationship with my parents was better. Unfortunately, the brother and I decided to discontinue our courtship after about 10 months, based on mutual agreement and understanding of one other’s situation. Although we never fought with each other, we chose not to continue our relationship to the next level.
The last lesson in PWF before that boyfriend and I broke up, helped me to get through the break-up. The lesson was about having a heart that is content with a relationship with God. For God loves us so much, and nothing and no one can separate us from His love, which is in Christ Jesus, our Lord (Rom 8:37-39). On that point, I am very secure that no matter what, God loves me, and He loves deeply.
Later on, in mid-2017, it was suggested to me to consider a relationship with a brother, a good friend of mine, whom I always found nice to talk to. We started to build a friendship. We started to “like” one another about a year later in June 2018, and we began to date exclusively in September 2018. We were married in February 2020. My parents have been really supportive of our relationship, and we are trying to be a light to both parents. We are grateful for all the discipleship time we’ve had with our mentors, who have helped us to understand and learn more things about having a godly relationship.
God has always been Mr. Right
During all that time of waiting for the “right” person, there is a scripture that I always hold in my heart. It’s Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Now God has blessed me with a spiritual husband. We have been disciples since 1999. He has walked with God and lately has been helping me to be a more mature and spiritual sister in Christ.
I am also truly grateful for my mentors and the sisters in Precious Women Fellowship, for the way they have helped me go through my struggles with their advice and counsel. They are awesome spiritual women who are devoted to Christ and not compromising, in regard to their faith and conviction in Jesus. Some of the advice given to me was to think out of the box by joining Godly Care, a service team of Church brothers and sisters who care for the elderly, disabled, and sick persons. It is an honor and joy to be able to serve and to have joined that team.
I would like to encourage all the sisters who are going through similar struggles, to look to God and His promises. One of my favorite inspirational scriptures is in Psalm 34:5, “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” When I want to put faith and hope in Jesus and not feel weary, I read Isaiah 40:31, “…but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Try to get out of your box by serving in the ministries available in the church based on your own skills and interests. It helps not to be self-focused. Be joyful always and gain the victory! Philippians 4:4-6, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
To God be the Glory.
Carissa Christianto
ICOC -Jakarta, GKDI.