Acceptance

When the Unthinkable Happens Even Murder

Shawna McKibben

Greensboro, North Carolina, US

Every year at the Piedmont Triad Church, we have a tradition where we all choose one word that we want to hold close to our hearts throughout the year and incorporate more into our everyday lives. These words are meant to remind us of how we want to grow, change, and develop throughout the upcoming year. My word this year was “to accept.” 

I’ve realized that there are so many things occurring in life that are out of my control. The past couple of years have especially proven this to me.

I lost my brother unexpectedly in a very tragic manner about two years ago; he was shot and murdered. Between then and now, three  other people in my life have also passed away unexpectedly. Two of those three people died in the same tragic way that my brother did. 

A week after my brother died I had my first baby. I had an unplanned and unexpected pregnancy, which felt absolutely earth-shattering at the time. I had plans to better myself and my family. I couldn’t believe that I had a positive pregnancy test while having an IUD. However, I know that children are always a blessing from God and I’m now very excited for the new addition to our family!

I had none to very little control over these circumstances. With that, I can choose to be bitter at the world, with others, or with God, or I can choose to accept God’s will for my life and know that He is good. 

I by no means have mastered this at all: I still have so many emotions and feelings wrapped up in all the things that have been out of my control recently in my life. I still have a lot of work to do. I don’t expect myself or any other person to master this, ever. However, when I can accept the circumstances that occur in my life, I’m able to be better at peace with it, maintaining that “unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.“ (1 Peter 3:4)

To accept circumstances doesn’t mean I can’t have feelings about it. I’m going to feel things: it’s how God has made me. It doesn’t mean I just need to “get over it” or move on. It’s instead choosing to give it to God, trusting that He loves me and will take care of me in the ways that He sees fit, and acknowledging my need for Him. It’s having faith that God’s plans are always superior to my own, and that He knows my needs better than I do. It’s being ok with God being the one in control and not myself. It’s also not allowing my lack of control to take control of me. 

One thing that has helped me when challenging life events occur has been to go to God and other people with what I’m struggling to deal with. It’s not for someone to tell me to just get over it, to tell me it’s not that bad, or to just accept it, etc. What helps is when people share in my pain with me, reminding me that I don’t have to go through this alone, and telling me that what I’m feeling is ok. At that point, afterwards, I can come to acceptance and make sure my actions are Christ-like, despite my feelings. That’s why it has been so great that we’re focusing on togetherness as a church this year. 

There’s a lot in scripture that reminds me of how I can accept challenging life-events that occur which are out of my control. Scripture says that I have an amazing God who strengthens me through it all. Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭12‬-‭13‬ ‭‬‬reads, ”I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” God calls us to accept circumstances. James 1:12 reads “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.“ My God who is in control loves me perfectly even when challenges occur. Romans‬ ‭5‬:‭8‬ ‭says‬‬ ”But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

 Jesus accepted God’s will for His life again and again. When Jesus was God in the flesh and had control over what we do not, he modeled for us what it looks like to accept God’s plans. He accepted being constantly judged by religious people of the time. He accepted being betrayed and abandoned by his disciples. He accepted being temporarily separated from God due to taking on the sins of the world. He accepted having to see loved-ones weep over Him. And he accepted dying an unjust and brutal death so that we could have a relationship with God. 

When Jesus gave his life on that cross, that day he allowed all of mankind to be able to have a relationship with God.

Without Jesus and the cross, I could go through my life with all those tragedies, losses, struggles, and injustices on my own, all while still having no control over a lot of things all just dealing with that on my own…or, I can turn to a God who not only does have control, but one who loves me and cares for me.

My hope is that we can have an overall better understanding of scripture. In ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4‬:‭8‬-‭9‬ ‭it says that although there will be things in life that will hard-press us on every side, we are not crushed; we may be perplexed, but we are not in despair; we may be persecuted, but we are not abandoned; we may be struck down, but we are not destroyed“ and that is only through the loving, perfect sacrifice of Christ Jesus. By accepting Christ as my Lord and savior, I can accept the other things in this world.

Bio: My name is Shawna McKibben, and I am a disciple in the Piedmont Triad Church (currently residing in Greensboro, NC). I have been a disciple for about 7 years and was baptized in the Charlotte Church while in the campus ministry. I’ve been married to my husband Nicholas McKibben for five years. We have a son Caleb McKibben (2 years old) and another baby boy on the way! We enjoy getting time with other brothers and sisters in Christ as well as our families. We also enjoy being a safe space where others can be themselves. I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Human Development and Family Studies, and am currently working as a Child Victim Advocate.