From the Editors: Monika Simm is a pillar in the Church of Christ in Tallinn, Estonia. In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month in the USA this October, she sent us a bit of her story, which she recently shared during communion at a Sunday service in Tallinn.

A little over a year ago I was diagnosed with aggressive stage two cancer. To save my life, it was necessary to apply the most radical treatment possible – I had a mastectomy; chemotherapy; biological and hormone treatments; and radiotherapy. Now, after one year, I still must visit different doctors quite often. This is without a doubt the greatest suffering I have gone through in my life so far. I’ve had to work through many emotions – sadness, fear, guilt, loss of security. But in the midst of this suffering, I am seeing how God is working for the good.

Gaining a heart of wisdom

Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Realizing my mortality, the finality of life, can give me a wise heart. Because my immunity was very low, I was on sick leave from work for nine months. This made it possible for me to have long mornings where I could read, meditate and pray. I found several good books written by Christian authors. The books of Psalms and Job have gained deeper meaning for me. I had long conversations with friends, with psychologists, I've been through Grief Recovery. I am very grateful for all the help. I feel like I know God differently than before.

When I got the diagnosis, my husband Mati and I decided to start praying together. For fourteen months now we have prayed together almost every morning. It has brought us closer to God and to each other and it has taught us something about the power of prayer together that we have not experienced before.

Don’t waste your pain

An idea which gave me a lot of strength in the midst of my suffering and helped me to endure the pain was this: that I do not want to waste it – I do not want to waste this pain. If God has comforted and encouraged me so much through his word, books, other people, I want to pass it on. Conversations have gone deeper with friends, relatives, neighbors, colleagues, not to mention other cancer patients. People (even strangers) share their lives with me, their hardest struggles, and fears. It creates an opportunity to listen to them and talk about the hope I have in Christ.

I have seen and experienced how much compassion and love there is in the church. Sometimes it seems that the church is a group of sinners where there is lot of pain and problems. But the way people have prayed for me, supported, and encouraged me – I felt so much love and I want to pass it on.

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.” God allows EVERYTHING to turn out well. Whether this suffering is disease, persecution, our sin, or sin of others - God allows it in the end to be good for those who love him.

Editors’ note: We asked Monika, how did you first discover your breast cancer?

During our summer teen camp, I felt a lump in my breast.

What would you want to say to a woman who may read your words who has just been diagnosed with breast cancer, or who is in the middle of her treatment for breast cancer?

This is shocking news. I would suggest not to stay alone - seek all the encouragement you can. Pray, if you can. Ask others to pray for you. Talk with a friend or psychologist, express honestly all what you feel - fear, sadness, quilt, anger... all your emotional truth. Find books that comfort you. Find a group of other cancer patients - you can support each other.

Mati and Monika Simm, one week before the teen camp when Monika found a lump during self-diagnosis

October 2023: Monika and Mati sharing her story during communion at a Tallin church service