The Gift of God’s Presence

By Katelynn McIlwain

Columbia, Missouri, USA

Scriptures:

• John 1:4-5
• Matthew 1:23
• John 14:23

Following my GPS and taking a sharp left turn, I saw the gravel road before me fall away to a creek, and I slammed my foot on the brakes. I looked in disbelief from my GPS that told me there was a road ahead of me, to the creek ahead of me that had clearly stopped being a road some time ago. I was lost in the-middle-of-nowhere Missouri, the sun had set, and I was convinced that I’d either wreck my car or lose service before I made it to my AirBnB for the weekend.

I’d been heading to a secluded house just about an hour away from Columbia to take a weekend retreat with God and wrestle through some emotions with Him. But I’d gotten on the road later than I’d hoped, and I was struggling to find my way in the dark with an outdated Apple Map.

By the grace of God, I arrived at my AirBnB, relieved to not be trapped in a ditch. But I felt shaken up by how close I’d been to getting lost. I remember looking up to try and appreciate the beauty of the night. But the anxiety of being alone in the dark blocked out my sense of wonder. I decided to go to bed, worried that this night would set the tone for the retreat.

Was this really a good idea? What if I don’t encounter Him here? Have I already soured the weekend, somehow? 

But when I woke up the next day and stepped outside, my perspective changed.

 My retreat house

The sun had just crested over the surrounding tree line, casting the bushes and trees in a bright morning glow and replacing last night’s darkness was a clear blue sky. I could hear a chorus of cicadas, birds and cows also greeting the morning. The August air was humid, sweet with the smell of native plants. The light changed everything. I was still alone, but safe and surrounded by a beauty that I could see. It felt like a reassurance from God. 

His light changes everything, too.

The road in daylight

It reminds me of the triumphal introduction of Jesus in John 1: 

In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

John 1:4-5 (ESV)

Celebrating Christmas means celebrating the purpose and perspective that Jesus’ presence brings to our lives, especially in our darkest moments. His life becomes our source of hope. 

Jesus’ birth fulfills a promise that God desired for us from the beginning.

"Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel" which means, (God with us)

Matthew 1:23 (ESV) 

God with us. 

But there are lots of things in our lives that can block the wonder of His presence with us. My mind can get bogged down by busyness or distractions, like social media.

Even without distractions, I can question God’s desire to be with me. Could God really want to “make a home” in me (John 14:23) when I just said that mean thing about another person? My insecurities can become too loud in my head for me to trust that He’s there. If He’s really with me, why do I feel so depressed, forgotten or uninspired? 

All of these patterns point back to one common denominator:

From the beginning, God has always wanted to give His greatest gift to us: His affirming and reassuring presence. So Satan will do whatever he can to try and make us believe or live as if God is not with us. 

So, what can we do to live our lives hand-in-hand with our Father?

A good place to start is to truly take in God’s heart for you. Jesus fought against Satan and defeated death itself just to have an intimate relationship with you. We don’t have to prove that we’re worth His attention. And while we do need to take ownership of our sin and make honest efforts toward repentance, there is no standard of perfection that can earn His closeness. While we were still sinners, Christ chose to die for us. Our reconciliation with Him is secure (Romans 5:8-11). 

Such friendly neighbors!

When I’m convinced of this, I’m free to seek His presence continually. Outside of my morning quiet time, I set two reminders on my phone that help me pray throughout the day. And the prayers aren’t astronomical. I invite God into the joyful, frustrating, or even boring parts of my day to at least just say hello. 

The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence offers great insight on how to spend a day with God while not overthinking it. God is not so lofty that He can’t spend a simple moment with you. Remember that Jesus ate, walked, and even went to wedding feasts with His disciples. He can hang out. 

Finally, we have to be open to God appearing just as He wants. God can appear to us in many ways, even through a donkey (Numbers 22:21-35). The Sacred Romance and Beautiful Outlaw are books that helped open my eyes to the way He shows up in the little things: A song that squeezes my heart. A scenic nature path that makes me marvel. Or even a cute animal or person who makes me laugh. How might these be little love letters to us throughout the day, from a God who created all the things that are wonderful? 

 A perfect place to journal

Having that perspective helped me make my retreat a memory I will cherish forever. As the weekend went on, I journaled and bore my heart to God. And along the way, I made space to appreciate the land around me. During my brain breaks, I happened to watch some episodes of a cartoon with a main character who was also processing trauma. The dialogue in those scenes spoke right into my heart, bringing me to tears. It felt like God was somehow communicating with me through a fictional character’s struggle. I wasn’t alone in the fight to make sense of pain.

Perhaps the most memorable part of the retreat was winding down for the night by looking up at the stars. Comforted by God’s presence, I was able to fully appreciate the darkness for what it was – a canvas for the stars uninterrupted by light pollution from the city.

The gift of His presence doesn’t mean we won’t encounter darkness, the things in our lives that scare or hurt us. But His presence does comfort us and illuminates what exists in the dark to give it meaning. We just have to look up.

Reflection questions:

1. What in your life keeps you from “looking up” and connecting with God’s presence?

2. What are the “love letters” in your life that could be inviting You to notice Him?

3. What is a practical way you can make space to turn your thoughts toward Him throughout the day?

Today I will…

Consider going on your own personal retreat with God! Maybe you can start today or this week by carving out a couple of hours to go to a quiet, solitary place and just sit in the presence of God. Breathe in His goodness and allow Him to guide your thoughts.

About the Author

Katelynn McIlwain is a disciple in the Columbia Church of Christ, where she co-leads the church’s young professional ministry. She also works full-time at the University of Missouri School of Journalism as the audio managing editor at KBIA 91.3 FM, Columbia’s NPR affiliate station. She is also an adjunct instructor for an undergraduate journalism class.