Editor’s Note: 

This is the seventh in a collection of spiritual reflections especially for moms of small children on the famous Scripture on Love in 1 Corinthians 13 – perhaps these are the most often quoted verses in the Bible.   This series was written and compiled at the end of 2019 by two of our sisters in Christ – Jan Mitchell and Mary Shapiro (see their bios at the end of this article), who lead a group of young mothers in church and wanted to create a quiet time series for them on the theme of Love. This series is the fruit of that effort. It seems the Holy Spirit wants us to pay special attention to this quality of love – it does not boast – since our sisters are offering us a “Part Two” of this one! 

1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV 

“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs.”

Love is not self-seeking...even when we want what we think is best for our children...even when we want to help, or fix, or change our child for the good...because it hurts to watch them hurt. Our motives to help may be pure, but they become self-seeking when we use manipulative means to get what we want.

The year 2018 was a tough year for this mom. My adult daughter was diagnosed with depression. She was in pain, and watching her battle was unbearably painful. One night while staying with her, I couldn’t reason with her and became fearful. Although my motive was to help her, my actions were manipulative.

She tearfully said, “Mom, you’re trying to manipulate my feelings.”

I tearfully denied it. “No, I’m not!” I wasn’t ready to face that truth.

It was not a good night. You see love is not self-seeking. Relieving my discomfort and fear somehow superseded what she needed. As she was not in physical danger, what she needed was my patience, gentleness, and my reassuring voice of hope. What I needed was my Father. I was poor in spirit, spiritually unable to be who I wanted to be. I could not on my own give what she needed.

Matthew 5:3 (ESV)

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 5:3 (NLT) 

“God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of heaven is theirs.”

When my eyes were opened to the meaning of this scripture, I was relieved and bewildered. You mean I don’t have to have all the answers? I don’t have to look like I know what I’m doing? I was once again a little girl who tearfully said, “I can’t do this; I don’t know how.” and then the Father took my outreached hand and said, “I will help you.”

Sometimes in our desperation to help our children, when we simply don’t know how, we can succumb to what we never want to be...self-seeking. We succumb to quick fixes that may produce a desired result, but the means are never loving when we yell, stretch the truth, and threaten with scary consequences...when we manipulate.

Ponder this...

Matthew 11:28-29 (NLT) 

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

I have learned when I’m hurting, when I simply don’t know what to do, when I desire to act with humility but just can’t seem to do it, I take my little girl self, go sit with my Father, and truthfully tell Him what I’m feeling, what I want, and who I want to be. I need His help to love as it is written in 1st Corinthians 13:4-6. I bring Him my heart; He gives me rest, and then He teaches me. The intimacy I now have with Him is more precious than I can adequately convey. He is oh, so good and oh, so very gentle.

Psalm 145:18-19 (NIV)

"The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfils the desires of those who fear him, he hears their cry and saves them."

Sisters, let us be like little children and go to our Abba in truth, no matter how hard facing the truth is. He’s waiting with outstretched hands.