Quiet Times for Moms of Littles
Editor’s Note:
This is the ninth in a collection of spiritual reflections on the famous passage on Love in 1 Corinthians 13, written and compiled at the end of 2019. Two of our sisters in Christ – Jan Mitchell and Mary Shapiro (see their bios at the end of this article)– lead a group of young mothers and wanted to create a quiet time series for them on the theme of Love. This series is the fruit of that effort.
1 Corinthians 13:5
“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
To Love is To Forgive
The simplest way to understand this part of I Corinthians 13 is that to love I will sometimes have to forgive. Love is a whole lot easier to practice until we’ve been hurt or mistreated. Then it gets hard. We can become bitter, angry, or we just turn away and stop trying. A BIG part of loving is forgiving! And forgiveness is one of the most important lessons we can teach and model for our children!
Let’s face it, relationships are messy! And they can be especially messy and hurtful in families, which is why family is the perfect and best place to teach forgiveness and love. I’m not talking about just sweeping hurts and wrongs under the carpet, where they are allowed to simmer and eventually resurface, but rather, genuinely resolving, forgiving and letting go. I’m talking about growing closer and loving more deeply as our differences are dealt with.
These are a few thoughts to consider as we teach our children to forgive and resolve the inevitable conflicts of life:
1. Help them to put into words their hurt feelings and the things that make them angry. Some children readily express themselves, but have to learn how to say it in the right way. As we told our children over and over again, “You can say anything, but say it with kindness and respect.”
2. Other children hold in their emotions and their thoughts or just have a harder time putting them into words. Help them learn this while they are young, not by pressuring and pushing, but by patiently drawing them out and giving them the time they need to express themselves.
Calmly ask questions like:
How did that make you feel?
And then what happened?
One of the scriptures we often read to one of our more reluctant communicators was:
Ephesians 4:26-27
“In your anger do not sin” (not all angry feelings are sinful!). Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and don’t give the devil a foothold”.
3. Help both children to see their part in a dispute. Sometimes an offense is one-sided, but more often there are wrongs on both sides.
As I said earlier, help them to express their “side” in words, but also teach them to listen openly and humbly (I know - not as easy as it sounds, which is why I said “teach”).
4. Help them to fully resolve their conflicts.
Is there an apology needed?
Make sure the apology is genuine, from the heart.
Is there forgiveness needed?
Make sure it is given - completely
5. Some children are more sensitive, more easily hurt than others. It is SO important to help these children learn to be open about their hurts, but also to completely forgive.
Other children are a bit “tougher” and can hurt others without knowing or even caring. Help these children to become more aware and more loving. Often both of these children are in the same family - just remember, the family is God's greatest training ground!
6.Learn to let go!
Luke 23:34
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing”
Sometimes others will not fully understand just how deeply their words or actions hurt. But God does. There is a time to leave it, let go and let God.
Things to ponder and discuss:
- Do our children experience complete forgiveness from US when they fall short?
- Our children can hurt us, offend us and, yes, make us angry! Are we an example ourselves of humility, apology and forgiveness?
- Are we teaching and helping them to reach resolution in conflicts they may have with others?
- Do they see us handle our own relationships with humility, grace and forgiveness? With our husbands, in our friendships?
Our children learn as much from us in what they see as in what we say!
Colossians 3:13-14
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any one of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
Isn’t this what we all desire?
Jan Mitchell : Jan has been a disciple for over 40 years. She and her husband, Mitch, have been married for 43 years, been on staff at 6 different churches, have 2 children and 3 grandchildren. She is a die-hard Wolfpack fan, and enjoys spending time teaching and training, traveling and playing outside with their grandchildren. She currently lives in the greater Raleigh, NC area.
Dr. Mary Shapiro is currently the Director of the ADHD Clinic at Duke Medical School's Southern Regional Area Health Education Center in Fayetteville, North Carolina, where she specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of ADHD, behavior disorders, and other childhood conditions. For the 30 years prior to moving to North Carolina, she and her husband, Dr. Michael Shapiro, were in private practice in Athens, Georgia, where they served children and adults in predominately rural and underserved areas. She completed her PhD in Educational Psychology at the University of Georgia in 1984 and interned in the Department of Neurology at the Medical College of Georgia. She and her husband have lectured extensively (both domestically and abroad) on topics related to child psychology, parenting, marriage, adoption, and mental health issues in a Christian context. They have authored two publications for Discipleship Press International; “Rejoice Always: A Manual for Christians Facing Emotional Challenges” and “Understanding Sexual Behavior in Children: How to be Proactive in Educating and Protecting your Children.
0 Comments