Introduction
About forty years ago, five years into the life of the Boston Church of Christ (https://www.bostonchurch.org) and its many mission plantings in our fellowship of the International Churches of Christ, Pat Gempel created a women's anthology, written by women on the front lines of faith, entitled The Upward Call.
Last year, Pat and her friend Amanda Frumin were inspired to republish this volume, with two main goals in mind: to issue once again an Upward Call for Christian women to be actively engaged in teaching one another the principles of Biblical discipleship to Jesus and spiritual formation; and to raise money for the Philadelphia-based youth camp, Camp Hope for Kids, (https://www.hopeforkids.org/programs) a life-changing place of miracles for young people.
Response To: “Developing Your Prayer Life”
By Amelia Quintanilla
Serving and working in the full-time ministry with Chris Fuqua was an absolute honor. I observed Chris’s impressive work ethic for ten years, her honest and loving way of speaking, and her unshakable faith. Rarely surprised by human shortcomings, she would find humor in almost every situation. She has this infectiously unforgettable cackle. I can still hear it now. Chris is a woman “…clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue” (Proverbs 31:25-26 NIV). Responding to her chapter is my privilege.
Chris taught four keys to develop a prayer life: wholeheartedness, obedience, humility, and faith. She is right; we do need all four of those. I would know. Unfortunately, I have reaped the consequences of only having some but not all of these keys. My prayer life has had its mountain tops and valleys of death. I have hung onto, and mostly shared, the faith-building, mountain-moving prayers over and over. Rightly so. Yet my character grew the most, and was tested and refined, while I was in the valleys, when prayer was more than miraculous – it saved my soul. Prayer was my lifeline and healer at one particular time in my life. Prayer was my conductor with God as I grieved, repented, and was finally gifted a peace that transcends understanding.
A dear friend was going through a hard time, and I couldn’t help her, no matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t fix it. I didn’t know what “it” was, nor did she. The past had caught up to her, and she needed more help and experience than I had to offer. She began to meet with a professional. I remember asking God to reveal what was wrong and to heal her. After a couple of months had passed, she wanted to share with me what she was learning and how it was going. What she shared was very difficult to hear. My presence triggered her past, and it wasn’t healthy for her and me to be in the same ministry. We needed a healthy distance, and for how long, I didn’t know. There was no assurance that our friendship would be able to continue. I was devastated.
Oh, and did I mention I was five months pregnant when all this was happening? I was pregnant with my first child. I had all these hormones raging in my body, magnifying everything. I would cry almost every day for a week afterward, bent over on my bedroom floor, crying in my hands over the loss of a best friend. I didn’t have to pray – I needed to pray every day. At first, the prayers were me sobbing, repeating two words, “Why, Lord?” Over and over. Then my prayers evolved into one declarative and angry sentence, “I don’t understand!” At this time, I completely sympathized with the scripture, “Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice” (Psalm 55:17 NIV).
When my son was born, I became sad again because she wouldn’t meet my baby, see him grow, or be a part of my life as I navigated motherhood. She used to be my person. I missed her even more at such a huge life-changing moment.
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him”
(1 John 5:14-15 NIV emphasis mine)
I knew God could hear me. At first all I knew was that He was listening. I knew, logically, that I needed to accept God’s will, but my heart disagreed. I was wholeheartedly praying, but I was not obeying. God had made His will evident to everyone around me that what was best for us was to go our separate ways. I didn’t know how to accept it. I didn’t want to. What I was praying for wasn’t according to His will. And slowly but surely, I could feel the distance between God and me grow. Precisely what Chris warns us to look out for, “the little foxes,” the sins of the heart that slowly grow unseen.
“Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear” (Isaiah 59:1-2 NIV). I hadn’t thought I was holding a grudge or being unforgiving. I wasn’t drawing nearer to God but instead sinking deeper and deeper toward the sin to which I had tethered myself. Through my discipleship relationship, I realized how bitter, resentful, and calloused my heart had become. I didn’t see how unhealthy and unspiritual my prayers to God were. I may have been faithfully praying every day, but quite honestly, I was whining and complaining, taking no responsibility for my sin. I wasn’t humble, and I wasn’t asking for understanding.
I’m so grateful for the discipleship of spiritual women and men who boldly spoke up and into my life at this time. “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out” (Proverbs 20:5 NIV). My discipler drew me out and helped me see what was wrong. She spoke with love and truth. “Amelia, you need to forgive.” “Amelia, you need to surrender to God’s will.” “Amelia, you need to move on.”
The parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector is a powerful depiction of honest prayer, with extreme ownership of sin and right to the point. At this time in my life, I related to the tax collector who didn’t even look up when he said, “‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner’” (Luke 18:13 NIV). It was time that I took full responsibility for my sins. I had to desire repentance and real change more than validation and justification. I prayed for God’s forgiveness. I begged for mercy. I prayed to accept God’s will.
“For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:11-12 NIV). So I asked for God’s help to remove the transgressions in my heart. In my repentance, I drew up a plan to take captive every thought through intentional prayer. Whenever a sad memory crept into my mind, I would stop and pray, “Lord, please help me to forgive and remain surrendered.” Whenever a happy memory with her came to mind, I would stop and pray, “Thank you, Lord, for the time and friendship I had with her. I will treasure them in my heart.” Whenever I wondered where she was or how she was doing, I stopped and prayed for her, “Lord, please bless her and keep her safe.”
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7 NIV)
When we pray, God hears us. When we pray, God helps us. When we pray, God heals us. I can say with complete faithfulness and confidence that God has healed me and given me peace of mind and a renewed heart. He truly is the Good Shepherd who guided me out of that dark valley.
That sister and I have since reconnected at the Orlando Discipleship Summit. We were about to pass one another in the large crowd when we both looked up simultaneously and embraced one another. We hadn’t spoken in seven years, but we held each other in one of the most extended hugs we have ever shared. We just held on and on. It was absolutely, positively, a gift from God. An answered prayer.
About Amelia Quintanilla
Amelia Quintanilla has been a faithful disciple of Jesus since 1999. She was invited by her high school classmate, who studied God’s word with her, and helped her become part of the Kingdom of God. As a result, she has the incredible blessing of following Jesus and has been trained as a women’s leader in the Los Angeles Church of Christ in California.
She and her husband, Alex, have served families in the English and Spanish ministries for over ten years as Youth and Family Ministers. They currently serve as church leaders in one of the largest Spanish-speaking ministries in LA. Her ministry passion is developing young female leaders to become the next generation of church builders. In addition, she is the blessed mother of two charismatic preschool boys.
Developing Your Prayer Life
by Chris Fuqua
My earliest recollections of prayer are as a young child with my grandparents. We always prayed together at bedtime, a moment I grew to look forward to. That memory has stayed with me because it was a beginning, my first attempt to communicate with God.
Many years passed before I seriously attempted to reestablish that communication. I have been a Christian now for seven years, and it is exciting to see how far my relationship with God has come. I can remember stumbling through a short prayer as a young Christian and feeling embarrassed at my inability to express my heart the way others could. Since that time, I have struggled to become closer to the Lord through prayer and have found that developing a constantly growing prayer life is the greatest ongoing challenge of my Christian life. It has been hard but very rewarding work as I’ve seen that one’s prayer life can keep growing through the years. I hope this article will lead you also to grow in your prayer life as I share some of the lessons God has taught me thus far.
Effectiveness in our prayer lives hinges upon the attitudes in our hearts toward God. I used to think that the only key to having a great prayer life was consistency. Praying every day without exception is very important, but as I worked diligently toward that goal, I found another element was missing in my relationship with God.
Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to “‘love the Lord you God with all you heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’” (Luke 10:27 NIV). My problem was that my mind was engaged in the activity of prayer, but my heart was not. Have you ever found yourself falling into that habit? While your lips are praising God, your thoughts are on what you need at the grocery store or your schedule for the day.
I have become convinced that the quality of our prayer lives is directly dependent on how much we truly love God. Many of us have the outward signs of being committed to God: we are evangelistic, faithful churchgoers, servants to the saved and the lost. But we must also be concerned with the inward signs of commitment. One of the most important signs is having our hearts and minds set on drawing near to God through prayer. We must strive to really communicate with Him. Too many of us have fallen into the routine of Christian life without being tuned into the Savior who died for us.
From examining the lives of Christ and other Biblical characters, I have found four keys to developing our prayer life:
- Wholeheartedness
- Obedience
- Humility
- Faith
Wholeheartedness
A dictionary definition of wholeheartedness is “completely and sincerely devoted, determined or enthusiastic”. David personifies this attitude in Psalm 42:1–2, “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?” (NIV). David obviously loved the Lord wholeheartedly because he longed to talk with God whenever he could. He made time to pray.
Mark 1:35–37 records the example of Jesus making time to be alone with God, “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: ‘Everyone is looking for you!’” (NIV). Jesus had more demands on his time than we do. He wanted special time alone with God when His day began. Why? He loved the Father with all His heart, mind, soul, and strength. He knew God had power and strength.
The challenge for us is clear – to have a wholehearted love for God. We must examine what our actions prove: do you love God more than an extra hour of sleep? More than a TV show or leisure activity? More than your own self? If we love God with every part of our being, then we too will ask “When can I meet with my God?”
Obedience
In human relationships, we know that actions speak louder than words. It would be difficult for me to believe someone who said he loves me if he constantly ignored me or treated me with animosity. In the same way, our obedience or lack of obedience to the commands of God sends Him a direct message of how we really feel about Him.
I John 5:3 teaches that love for God is “to keep his commands” (NIV). Loving God with all our heart means obeying Him with all our heart. “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (James 5:16 NIV), because the righteous man loves God enough to want nothing to hinder his communication with the Lord. He remembers that, even for the Christian, sin separates people from God and dulls His ears to their prayers (Isaiah 59:1–2).
Consider the story of King Saul who was a powerful leader for the Lord, rescuing the people of Israel from defeat (1 Samuel 11). Four chapters later, however, we find the beginning of his spiritual death as he starts to follow his own way instead of the way of the Lord. 1 Samuel 15:3 records Saul’s mission from God, “Now go, attack the Amalekites and totally destroy all that belongs to them” (NIV). I Samuel 15:9 describes his direct disobedience to God’s command, “But Saul and the army spared Agag (the king) and the best of the sheep and cattle, the fat calves and lambs—everything that was good. These they were unwilling to destroy completely, but everything that was despised and weak they totally destroyed” (NIV).
Imagine how hurt and angry the Lord must have been when Saul, confronted by Samuel about his sin, said in 1 Samuel 15:20, “But I did obey the Lord” (NIV). As a result of that incident, God took the kingship from Saul and gave it to David, a man after God’s own heart. Saul lost his crown and more. I Samuel 16:14 says that “the Spirit of the Lord had departed from Saul” (NIV). All because he felt he could improve on the plans and commands of God. Have you ever studied the Bible with someone who thinks their traditions are more important than the direction of God? Some individuals even ignore the fundamental direction of God on how our sins are forgiven and we can receive God’s gift of His Holy Spirit (Acts 2:38 ff).
Perhaps you can recall times when you, like Saul, thought you had a better way, and that God wouldn’t care if you changed what He said just a little bit. Samuel summed up the Lord’s feelings on this matter in 1 Samuel 15:22–23, “Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry” (NIV).
We are usually on our guards against the “big sins”—sexual immorality, drunkenness, lying, hatred, etc.—and we need to be.
A Christian never becomes so spiritual that he is above falling into blatant sin, as David did with Bathsheba. But we must also be on the lookout for “the little foxes”. We read about them in Song of Solomon 2:15, “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom” (NIV). The lack of adding to our faith, knowledge, lack of discipline (self-control) and growing closer to God is also sin. Growing to be more and more like Christ is more difficult than conquering and eliminating the sin list. It takes a lifetime of growth. Without time with God, we can’t do it.
Our prayers to God must be primarily to seek His wisdom, love, and power to lead us through our struggles. He knows what challenges us. Jesus said, “not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42 NIV). We shouldn’t be telling Him what we want Him to do for us. He will lead us, to be more like Christ in every way. To Him be the glory for His love, power, and guidance. He knows what we need, and He loves us more than we love the most important person in our life. He will guide us for eternity.
Humility
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18 NIV). Effective prayers do not come from prideful hearts. One of the most touching passages is Psalm 51:17 in which David, who has sinned sexually with Bathsheba, expresses his contrition to God and to the prophet Nathan, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise” (ESV). In this psalm, David exhibits several qualities of godly sorrow that are worthy of our imitation in prayer.
He:
- Took full responsibility
- Desired to repent (change his ways)
- Prayed for God’s help
Take Full Responsibility
He asked God in Psalm 51:2–3 to “wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me” (NIV). David never made any mention of Bathsheba in his prayer, although she was just as responsible for the sin as he was. He also failed to mention all the pressure that he was under as king of Israel. Those were two ready excuses he could have made, yet he showed his true humility before God by speaking only of himself and his sin. Do you take responsibility for the sins you commit?
I have had times in my life when I sinned either by omission or commission, and my first thought was of how I wouldn’t have fallen if it hadn’t been for this person or circumstance. We need to realize that our sin is our own and be willing to accept the blame for it ourselves. God teaches us to be people who take responsibility for our actions.
Desire to Repent
David asks God in Psalm 51:10–12 to “create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.... restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me” (NIV). David knew that he needed God’s forgiveness and power to change his inner character. It is significant that he asked for those things before requesting that he be different on the outside. He was more concerned about having a pure heart and good conscience before God than he was about his outward image to others.
Jesus’ advice to the Pharisees on this subject is recorded in Matthew 23:25–26, “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean” (NIV). We cannot afford to simply change the outward signs of our sin. We too must ask God to change us from the inside out.
Pray for God’s Help
In Psalm 51:13–15, David said, “Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you… O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise” (ESV). David knew that having a humble and contrite heart along with the joy of his salvation would motivate him to teach others about God’s love and forgiveness.
Let us examine ourselves considering David’s example and answer this question: do I truly have a humble heart in my relationship with God, or am I allowing pride to get in the way?
Faith
“Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours” (Mark 11:24 NIV). What a tremendous promise from God, and what a challenge to our prayer lives! Anyone who has an active and growing relationship with God will be tempted to have doubts about their prayers being answered. Perhaps you are working at overcoming a chronic sin or praying for someone who is at a crucial point in their conversion. Perhaps it is for a Christian who is struggling with her commitment. There you are on your knees having poured out your heart to God. Sound familiar?
Remember that God created all of us with free will. He sent His one and only son to give us an example of how to live this life on earth. He gives everyone a chance to choose to be with Him for eternity. We know we must believe in God and Christ and decide to be obedient to their simple plan of salvation (Acts 2). We must decide to follow Christ, and have our sins forgiven through baptism and to receive the gift of His Holy Spirit. We must then obey His word for the rest of our life on this earth. That is a decision for everyone to make. Pray that God will help you understand how you or others can help the person you are praying for to do what God’s word commands. Have faith that God will answer your prayer.
When we pray, we must remember James 1:6–8, “But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do” (NIV).
That point is illustrated by a good friend of mine who prayed daily for a Christian husband. She had a few serious relationships with brothers which didn’t progress to the point of marriage. She expected the Lord to answer immediately and according to her will, not His. When the problem was identified, she prayed for the power to overcome her doubts, for patience, and for His will to be done. His will won’t always align with our desires.
Paul described the disciple Epaphras in Colossians 4:12–13 as someone who was “always wrestling in prayer” (NIV). We need to follow his lead and wrestle our doubts to the ground but balance our wrestling with “His will be done” and “help me overcome my disbelief” (Mark 9:24).
Jesus taught his disciples two important concepts about faith:
- All things are possible with God. In Matthew 19:26, Christ told the twelve apostles that “with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (NIV). Throughout the Scriptures, we read of miracles: the creation, the parting of the Red Sea, the feeding of the 5,000 and the physical resurrection of Christ. We accept those things by faith, yet struggle to believe that God can work out much less difficult problems in our own lives. We question whether family members can become Christians, instead of asking God to help us reach them. We ask, “How can you work through a person like me?”, instead of asking God, “Show me what I can do for you. Please lead me today.” Ask yourself if you remember the power of God to do the impossible things in our lives and in the lives of those we know.
- Be persistent. Jesus told his disciples the parable of the persistent widow in Luke18:1–8. He showed them that they should always pray and not give up. The parable tells of a widow who goes to an unsympathetic judge and seeks justice against her adversary. Although he denies her request, she pesters him again and again until he gives in out of sheer fatigue.
Let us examine our hearts in the areas of wholeheartedness, obedience, humility, and faith, and then determine how we are going to grow in each of these qualities. Becoming closer to our Father in heaven is the reward for the changes we make. Let us decide today to love Him with all our hearts, minds, souls, and strength.
About Chris Fuqua
Chris Fuqua became a disciple in 1977 during her junior year of college in Illinois. She and her husband, Marty, planted the congregation in Chicago, Illinois in 1980 and have been vital leaders of the Los Angeles Church of Christ and the Church in Argentina. They have also helped many churches grow in Russia and around the world.
Prayer has always been an important part of their family’s life. Marty and Chris have three married children, one who was adopted from Moscow, Russia. Their family has expanded to include their five cherished grandchildren. Chris now uses her ministry and professional talents as a hospice nurse. She continues to enjoy being active in her local church in St. Augustine, Florida.
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